DAVIE REVIE
NOW A 2 TIME
WINNER OF THE SPOON
 |
| HAPPY DAYS WHAT A RESULT |
DR - SPOON BOY
AS - SMARTY
GL - DODI
Phone call from just outside Cupar.
DR "Hello, is that the White Chimneys? "
"It's the Glasgow Hackers looking to order the Full Monty big breakfasts for us all and we will be there in 15 mins."
DR "You know guys you canny beat a big full breakfast, it sets you up for the day."
AS "You are right Davie, I find loading ma gut with all the grease loosens ma swing and I'm more
relaxed."
GL "I feel the same Eck and I don't think any of us have won the Spoon after a big White Chimneys
special maybe it's our good luck charm."
AS "Aye well, we're no telling any other fucker about it then."
DR "You two talk some shite, good luck charms and loosening swings. What a lot of bullshit."
DR "Anyway, I don't need to eat a big breakfast to avoid the Spoon."
DR "Do you no remember who I am?"
DR "I'm the TOUR LEADER."
AS "Anyone can win the Spoon. Tour Leader means fuck all to the Spoon."
GL "Alex is right, look at Wee Craig he's won the Spoon and he's a golfer + 2 handicap no a slapper
like you Davie."
DR "I will slap your napper, Dodi."
DR "There's no way I'm winning the Spoon. To be a Tour Leader means I'm playing solid consistent
golf and the Spoon ain't on ma fucking radar."
GL "Davy, your golf can be red hot and utter shite 6 hours apart."
DR "Not now wee man. Mr Consistent that's me fucking number 1 and Tour Leader."
DR "Another good round today will put me in the driving seat and extend my lead. That's me the
fucking Tour Leader and Mr Consistent. Happy days are here to stay."
6 TRYING HOURS LATER
DR "This is a fucking nightmare going home with this fucking Spoon. How the fuck did I get it?"
GL "You got it Davie because Scott Wylie beat …."
DR "Shut the fuck up Dodi!"
AS "Your were unlucky Davie getting 28 points and still getting Spooned."
GL "Thought you were Mr Consistent now Mr Revie. Fucking happy days."
DR " I'm warning you Dodi, I'm not in a happy frame of mind just now."
AS "Maybe it was the extra black pudding you had Davy?"
DR "What the fuck are you rabbiting on about fucking black pudding."
AS " Aye I find it repeats back on me for some reason especially when I'm over a putt and it causes me
to miss a lot of putts because of it."
DR " You're having a laugh aren't you?"
AS "I putted like a fanny today".
DR "Piss off Alex I'm no listening to your shite about missed putts. How many points today? Oh yes
36. So you didn't putt bad. Now give ma skull a rest"
GL "That's you The White Chimneys Spoon Leader now".
DR "What?"
GL "You've won more Spoons than me or Eck now"
AS "There you go Davie - you're still a Leader".
DR "Aye ya wankers, kick a man when he's down".
DR "I've got to go home and explain to the household why I'm Spoon Boy".
AS "Why explain yourself?"
DR "I told them I'm the Leader of the Tour and now I come home with the fucking Spoon."
GL "No Davy you're no the Tour Leader anymore thats big VJ he …."
DR "Shut the fuck up Dodi, I know I'm no the leader anymore."
AS "Aye Davie, there is a real consistent golfer big Davy G. He's really consistent all the time and no
just for a few rounds like you."
DR "That's coming from the man who blames black pudding for missing putts. What a lot of shite."
DR "Wee man, can I leave this thing in your boot for 2 weeks?"
GL "Two words, Davie, beginning with F and O."
AS "Maybe Robert will forget to put your photo on the web site."
DR "That bastard will give me pelters. Just watch and see come Wednesday night the whole world
will be able to see I'm Spoon Boy again."
AS "Roberts no like that. Maybe it will just be a wee picture and it will be lost among the other
winners."
GL "I don't think your picture should be in with the winners. You ares a loooooser and should have
your own post. I need to phone Robert and suggest that one."
AS "No he keeps it a lot smaller now. He doesn't seem to rip into anyone much now about winning the
Spoon."
DR "Fucking hope so!"
DR "Roll on Lundin Links till I get back to the top of the Leader board. I'm no having black pudding
again and I'm no winning the Spoon again."
DR "See you all soon. I'm off to plank the Spoon in the shed and hopefully nobody finds out I'm
SPOONY again!"
