FINAL POST FOR THE TOUR 2010/11

WINTER TOUR OVERALL WINNERSNeil Keir overall winner 2011
Stevie Paul 2nd place overall
Craig Chalmers 3rd place overall
The Champion , The Donkey and Spoon Boy

Thats it Gents Winter Tour postings are complete and we now look forward to the summer season.

The web site will continue during the summer as we look at how tour members are performing in medals, competitions for both the Club and individually away at opens or any other competitions.

We will see who is fud of the weekend as the medal scores come in.

Postings on Team matches also will be on the site at regular intervals as a lot of Tour members play in the teams.

Anyone with results or pictures just email me them and I will get them posted.

Updates on possible outings during the summer will be posted also.

Dates currently being looked at are Sunday 8th May, Sunday 31st July and Sunday 4th September.

To everyone have a good season and Neil get that handicap slashed !!!!!!

Robert

Home to Lenzie

SPOON GOES HOME IN PAUL'S CAR.Down the motorway waving to all

Hutchy's spoon.
Danny never got the donkey thanks to Kenny

listening to his advice and calculations. Still Danny

I bet your arse was twitching even more on Sunday

as the texts were coming in - Big Hammy 33 points

4 holes to go and all the rest going well to. It

could have been a donkey presentation back at Lenzie

but Kenny relaxed on the final few holes thinking he

was safe.
He smiles !!!! Never brought the spoon into

the club so we gave him a shot with the donkey.
Lenzie's very own Jack and Victor.

Inside and Outside

PHOTOS FROM LADYBANK

Full table with all waiting for food. Apart

from Spoon Boy he was hiding next door

telling members he is really a good player

and not a ASS.

The Cullen Challange was won by

Gerry and the £20.00 bet. The strong challenge

by Jim at Southerness disappeared in the final

2 rounds and Gerry had a comfortable 13 point

lead at the end. How did you manage to break

the news to the kids Jim that uncle Gerry had

humped their dad ????
The top 4 players of the Tour and last game to

finish. Craig 37 points, Gerry 35 points, Stevie 38

points and Neil 38 points. Great scoring from all 4.
The Good the Bad and the Ugly.

Make your mind up yourself who is who.
What the fuck are these 4 gay prancers up to.

Ring a Ring a Posse ????

All smiles from Jamie who avoided the spoon

by 1 point and at last can pass on the Donkey

to someone else after having it on his back for

the last 12 months.
If that belly gets any bigger you will

fall flat on you face trying to pick a ball up like that.

After scoffing 2 Mars Bars last

night in the medal including Billy's your obviously not worried !!

Enjoy Turkey Big Guy.

HEE HAW

KENNY IS THE ASS OF THE TOUR 2011

Losing out to Danny by just 1 point Kenny

gracefully accepted the DONKEY award. This is

what it is all about having a good laugh with the Spoon and

Donkey awards.

Kenny was certain he had done enough

but Danny had gave him wrong information. "Kenny you need 7

points to beat me". He got 8 and looked quite happy on the 18th

till it was pointed out he was HEE HAW. "I canny be Danny said I only needed

7 points". A word of advice Kenny - never trust a man who bribes wee boys to

get passwords.

Smile Kenny your the Donkey.
Come on oot and see HEE HAW !!!

SPOON BOY

HUTCHY ACCEPTS THE SPOON - EVENTUALLY

For a while we all thought Hutch

had left the club house and was away

hitch hiking back to Lenzie. We found him

hiding in the lounge telling people how

good he hit the ball and didn't deserve to

get the spoon.
Brian Newall presents him with

the last spoon for the winter. "It was a

honour to present Hutch with this much deserved

award" said Brian
"It's no fair I played good". Sorry Hutch

10 points on the back 9 is rubbish so get your

arse into the room next door and get your spoon.

Quotes from SPOON BOY

"I was out driving Sinky and Gibby and I end up in this position"

"I'm telling you it's going in the bin if I get that fucking thing"

"If I could have putted I would have beat Hammy"

All a lot of shit - 10 points for 9 holes !!!

Enough said.

PRIZE WINNERS

SOME OF THE PRIZE WINNERS

FROM LADYBANK 2011

John Hamilton in 1st place with

a great score of 39 points and avoiding

being DONKEY for the Tour.
Derek Mitchell collecting 2nd

place with a seasons best of

38 points and a very impressive

21 on the back 9. That score on the back 9

meant he just pipped George Leadbitter who

had 17 points on the back 9

Ian Baird a 2 time spoon winner

collects a nearest the pin prize.
Scott Kennedy won the nearest the pin at the 10th.

WINTER TOUR 2011

WINTER TOUR WINNER 2011 NEIL "THE BADGER" KEIR

Congratulations Neil

37.2 points for his best 5 rounds.

FINAL LEAGUE TABLE 2011

N Keir 186

S Paul 179

C Chalmers 175

G Cullen 173

B Newall 169

A Alexander 167

J Sommerville 165

S McPherson 165

D Graham 165

P James 164

J Wylie 162

M Drummond 162

J Cullen 160

B Gibson 160

S Kennedy 160

D Mitchell 160

T Nicholson 159

I Hutchison 159

I Baird 158

R Chalmers 158

A Smart 158

G Leadbitter 156

G Sinclair 154

D Stirling 152

G Dickie 148

J Hamilton 146

D Totten 144

K Lang 143

LADYBANK RESULTS

Results

J Hamilton 39

D Mitchell 38

N Keir 38

G Leadbitter 38

D Chalmers 38

S Paul 38

C Chalmers 37

J Wylie 37

R Chalmers 37

M Drummond 37

G Cullen 35

S McPherson 35

D Graham 35

A Smart 35

J Sommerville 34

T Nicholson 34

P James 34

B Newall 34

B Gibson 33

G Sinclair 33

A Young 33

S Kennedy 32

D Drew 32

I Fox 32

J Cumming 32

T Holbeck 32

G Dickie 31

K Lang 31

I Baird 31

D Stirling 30

J Cullen 29

J Carroll 29

A Alexander 28

I Hutchison 28

Nearest the pins

Ian Baird

Scott Kennedy

SPOON BOY

HUTCH

PEEK A BOO

I'M COMING TO GET YOUUUUUUU

A great photo of Hutchy being spied on by the spoon !!!!

Ladybank Results

LADYBANK 2011

This was our 9th and final round of this years Tour.

Fantastic weather,excellent course ,great banter and some results that couldn't be scripted made it one of the best days of the year.

The top positions as well as the rear were all up for grabs as the Tour reached its end for this winter.

First surprise for the guys was that the top 4 and the bottom 4 were out together.

In the bottom bunch was Kenny ,George,Graham and Derek. One guy who was not in that bunch but was expected by many to collect the donkey was John Hamilton but as he had only played 4 rounds he was kept out of the fight at the rear.

In top 4 we had Neil, Stevie, Craig and Gerry. It was always going to be hard for them to catch Neil but all 3 gave it a good go especially Stevie who reached the turn 23 points which is the best score for 9 holes ever on the Winter Tour.

The overall scores from everyone were high and again like last year 28 points got the SPOON and the proud winner as you will have seen from last nights wee tune was Ian "stick the spoon up your arse" Hutchinson.

This total was the same as last year for the spoon and with only 4 players out of 34 not getting more than 30 points.

This spoon winner was a very popular result in fact it was fucking magic !!!!!

This result could only have been better if Stevie Paul or Paul James had won it as both have said they will never win it- we shall see boys .

Well done Hutch.

We have some great photos to post later of Ian and the spoon.

The player of the day was John Hamilton who got 39 points and in one fell swoop leap frogged Danny Totten who was unable to play as he had a sore ass. This now left the bottom 4 players trying to also catch Danny.

George , Derek and Graham did all jumped ahead of him but Kenny failed by a single point to take Danny to a count back and he therefore became the Tours DONKEY for the season.

George and Derek saved their best round of the tour to the last with 38 points each and with Derek shooting a very impressive 21 points on the back 9 he nipped in ahead of George. Graham did enough with 31 point's but Kenny's 31 just fell short so its HEE HAW for Kenny our Donkey for the next 12 months.

In the fight at the top Neil continued his fantastic form by adding more points to his best 5 rounds. Neil finished with 186 points which is a average of 37.2 points per round. This made it impossible for any of the other 3 players to get near his total. Stevie set off at the start and with 23 points at the turn he must have thought he had a chance but only 15 on the back 9 saw his challenge falter. Craig and Gerry also performed very well with 37 and 35 points between them.

In the Cullen Challenge Jim's form slumped in the last few rounds and his big brother pulled away by 13 points to win their £20 bet.

As I said earlier man of the day was Hammy. He came up knowing he had to get a minimum of 38 points to pass Danny and I don't think anyone thought that possible but 4 hours after teeing off he walked into the clubhouse with 39 points- fantastic shooting considering the position he was in. Well done Hammy.

A great day and a fantastic end to this years Tour. It has been a good year that has seen the event continue to grow and we now look forward to this seasons golf and big Neil getting his handicap slashed in time for next years event !!!

I would like to thank all for the gift yesterday as I said it was not required but much appreciated. Thanks to Gordon for all his help during the season and we will be making plans for next winters Tour later in the summer.

I would finally like to wish everyone who took part in this years Tour all the best for this season - hope you all have a good one.

All the best

Robert

Results

1st John Hamilton 39

2nd Derek Mitchell 38

3rd George Leadbitter 38

Nearest the Pin

4th Scott Kennedy

10th Ian Baird

SPOON BOY

Ian Hutchinson

HACKERS TOUR FINAL POSITIONS 2011

1st place Neil Keir 186

2nd place Stevie Paul 179

3rd place Craig Chalmers 175

DONKEEEEEYYYYY OF THE SEASON

KENNY LANG 143

Full results and positions to follow with lots of photos.

HUTCHY GETS SPOONED AT LADYBANK

This picture says it all.

The words of the song tell the story.

Enjoy.

A great day out today.

Many thanks to all for the gift. Not required but much appreciated.

UNDER PRESSURE

BREAKING NEWS

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

John Hamilton has decided to withdraw from this years Grand Final at Ladybank.

Sitting on just 107 points from 4 rounds if he was to compete at Ladybank he would bring himself right into the Hee Haw race. John would need to get 30+ points in order to avoid driving down the road with Hee Haw on his lap.

Therefore rather than interfere in the race for this illustrious award John has opted to stay out the way and leave it as a 4 man donkey race.

He has decided to take his family to the seaside at Troon for the day!!!!

It's f.....g March not July. The only things on the beach at this time of year are ice bergs and polar bears.I think you could have come up with something better than that John.

Quotes from Hammy

"I just felt it wasn't fair for me to put pressure on the others this coming Sunday as I am hitting the ball so well just now- really long and straight. I would be miles ahead of them and that would put them under even more pressure "

"I know how hard some of them have tried this year to get their hands on this prize and along I come at the end and pip them all in the last round- thats just no fair to them"

"I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing I had pipped someone in the last round and denied him all the glory"

"So I would to wish them all 4 of them good luck and may the worst golfer win - Hee Haw Hee Haw"

This leaves Kenny (135) with one and a half hands on Hee Haw closley followed by Graham(139) , George(142) and Derek(143).

Already we have had a call off by Amigo Carslaw who is off to Mexico - supposedly on work commitments.

So this removes 2 of the fancied 4 round players who might have saved the bottom 4 who now have got no option but to play or look after Hee Haw for the next 12 months.

1 week to go who will be out getting pissed next Saturday night and who will tucked up in bed preparing for the big challenge ahead on Sunday???

So Kenny, Graham, George and Derek who wants to be the Donkey for the season ?????

We have posted some wee tunes in the last few days and Hammy has requested this one especially for the 4 golfers at the bottom.

So here it is gents- enjoy.

KENNY'S SONG

Nervous Times

Lots of banter in the club last night about who is getting HEE HAW to look after for a year.

A shell shocked Kenny Lang was out with a spread sheet and calculator working out how many points he needs to avoid HEE HAW.

Quote from Kenny

"It's no fair I played all the hard courses and missed the last 2 easy ones and all you lot have managed to get loads of points"

What a load of bull. 5 rounds =135 points that why your propping up the table.

He was devastated to find out that John Carslaw has managed to get a trip to Mexico with his work and therefore misses Ladybank.

I think Kenny had John down as one of a few who could HELP him avoid the spoon.

There is a real possibility that Kenny could go from being on the podium last year to riding off into the sunset on HEE HAW.

Kenny if it's any consolation Jamie only got 129 points last year for the donkey.

I forgot to tell you last night that I only have 145 points but with Danny not going and on 144 I am safe anyway.

So here we have a wee song from Kenny to all the Hackers- enjoy.

HELP MEEEEEEEEE

THE TRADITIONAL SUNDAY NIGHT HUMPING

DANNY POTTEN GOES POTTY ON THE POOL TABLE AGAIN

Another rogering took place on Sunday night after Powfoot. Danny Rotten gave Ian "stick the spoon up your arse" Hutchinson a doing over the pool table.

Hutch was not a happy chappy as the photo shows.

On completion of his humping he proceeded to tell Danny to shove the pool cue up his arse.

Real class all this shoving things up peoples rear ends.

John "Carslaw" Waite - In complete contrast to Ian - John gives us a song

Anybody seen my brother?

TOUR LEAGUE POSITIONS

AFTER 8 ROUNDS

5TH COUNTING SCORE NEXT TO TOTAL.

N Keir 180 - 32

S Paul 172 - 31

C Chalmers 168 - 30

G Cullen 166 - 28

B Newall 163 -28

A Alexander 162 -23

J Sommerville 162 -31

P James 160 -30

S McPherson 159 -29

D Graham 159 -29

J Cullen 158 -27

I Hutchinson 158 -27

B Gibson 157 -30

I Baird 157 -30

S Kennedy 157 -27

T Nicholson 155 -30

M Drummond 152 -27

D Stirling 150 -28

G Sinclair 149 -28

A Smart 147 -24

R Chalmers 145 -24

D Totten 144 -25

D Mitchell 143 -21

G Leadbitter 142 -24

G Dickie 139 -22

K Lang 135 -23

Players with 4 rounds

J Stirling 127

P Ritchie 125

J Wylie 125

J Wynn 117

J Carslaw 113

J Hamilton 107

History

Last season (09/10) we played 8 rounds in total so this year we are having a extra round. Neil with 180 points has set a new record for 5 best scores beating Davids score of 178 from last year. Last years top 3 were David on 178 , Paul on 173 and Kenny on 170. What has happened to Kenny this year???

The donkey was won by Jamie with only 129 points.

Last year at Ladybank we had our biggest field that season with 28 players and Gerry won the spoon with 28 points the highest ever total to win the spoon. We had a average of 22 players last season.

In 08/09 the weather was so bad we only managed 4 rounds and Paul won with 130 points from Craig on 129 and Billy on 128. Courses that year were Ladybank, Dundonald, Elie and Lansdowne. We had 12 , 8 , 8 and 16 playing in those 4 rounds.

Things have certainly grown over the last 3 seasons and in 10/11 we have had a average of 29 players every round. The Tour is now grown to 9 rounds and the spoon has went from a cooking spoon to our 5 foot Hackers Spoon.

This years final we have 36 players playing and all prizes ares still up for grabs especially the Donkey. Lets hope we get one more good days weather to finish off the winter.

Summer 2011

In 2009 we played 4 rounds at King James, West Linton , The Castle and The Kittocks and myself won overall. Last year we only managed 1 round at Rosemount which was won by Billy Gibson with 39 points.

This year we plan to hopefully have at least 2 or 3 rounds and details will follow after the Winter Tour finishes. It has always been mainly a winter event as there is always plenty of golf on during the summer at club level.

POWFOOT PHOTOS

Powfoot 2011

Awards time afterwards in the

clubhouse.
Danny was in the gorse that many

times I don't know if he is looking

for his ball or taking a piss in this photo.
Powfoot was in great condition for this time of

the year.
Danny and Alex looking to see

if their balls are visible on the

fairway.
That's some drive Sinky but it's miles

into the shit.
The 9th hole and what a joke of a pin

position. It took me 4 attempts to putt

the ball into the hole. Think the green keeper

got out the wrong side of the bed on Sunday

morning.
Auld Man Wylie got more points

than his boy.
Alex,Danny and me pose for Gordon.

Posting the league positions soon.

POWFOOT SPOON WINNER

POWFOOT SPOON BOY 2011

IAN BAIRD

REUNITED WITH HIS SPOON.

Below is a little tune for Ian as feel the opening lyrics were written for him and his spoon. It's so romantic. I can hear wedding bells. Just look how happy he is. REUNITED AND IT FEELS SOOOO GOOD !!!!!

Ian and his love affair with the spoon is back on. Below is some quotes from Ian at a interview after prize giving.

"It's great to be reunited what a tough few weeks it has been being separated". "I never knew it would be so hard to cope without my Spoon". "It was hard to be civil to all the bastards who kept winning my Spoon". "I couldn't sleep at night wondering what other people were doing with my Spoon". "The nights were the hardest". "I tried hard to win her back each week but some diddy on the tour stopped me getting in there".

Look at him he is pulling the spoon from me.Ian in the red jacket practising his putting before heading out.

That really helped him !!!!

POWFOOT WINNERS

FROM DIDDY TO CHAMPIONJohn Carslaw triumphs in Powfoot.

After being subjected to all sorts of verbal abuse

from family, friends and strangers in the street John

decided never again he would plummet into such a

dark frightening place as a Hacker Spoon Winner.

He went to the driving range 36 times in 10 days !!!

The result was going from Tour FUD to Winner in

14 days. Congratulations John great shooting!!!!

Maybe John can give Ian Baird some tips on how to avoid the spoon

as he seems to have an attraction for things big and wooden.

In the photo above a shattered Alex Smart is struggling

to stay awake during the prize giving. No wonder I played

with him and even I was tired with watching him reload off the tee

and digging about in the gorse every hole. A bad day at the

office for Alex and it was a struggle to avoid the spoon but he

survived as Ian was even more shite than he was.

More to follow soon on Ian's fetish for big handles and his love of the

Spoon. Just what does he do with it when he gets it home ???

In second place Mick Drummond had his best

score of the Tour with 36 points. Tommy and Mick

are very close in the overall league with only 3 points

separating them in their private battle.

In the battle of the Cullen's it was Gerry who moved ahead

in this clash of the Titans. He now has a 8 point lead on his

wee brother going into the last round.
John Sommerville shot a steady 35 points

and by doing that he gives himself a good chance

of getting into the top 3 and a place on the podium

for this years Tour.

Nearest the pin winner John Wynn.

Take a look at Jim and Kevin you would think they were about

go up and collect the wooden spoon !!!!
Tommy Nicholson collects his winnings

for the other par 3. Tommy also gets the prize

for his driving. It was not hitting a Big Bertha driver but for driving his BMW from Lenzie to Powfoot in the fastest time of the day.

POWFOOT RESULTS

WINTER TOUR ROUND 8

On Saturday morning I don't think many thought we had any chance of playing golf the next day. As you can see from the above photo Sunday at Powfoot was another glorious day for golf and with the course in great condition a good day was had by all.

Well nearly all.

For Ian Baird it was another day for walking away with a prize. Unfortunately it was the prize nobody wants. Yes Ian was the winner of the SPOON FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS SEASON.

He is now in the same golfing category as defending donkey of the tour Jamie Carrrol and Geraldo Cullen as illustrious winners of the spoon 2 times. This is not easy to achieve as there is at least 28-32 players each round so you really have to play shite to win the spoon and Ian comfortably won yesterday by 3 points from Jim Cullen and Alex Smart.

THE BIG NEWS

A NEW FIRST FOR THE TOUR

This weekend we had a first.

John Carslaw at the last round was the winner of the SPOON. YESTERDAY HE BECAME THE FIRST PLAYER TO GO FROM SPOON TO ROUND WINNER ON CONSECUTIVE ROUNDS.

Well done John. As I said at the prize giving some times you have to experience the ultimate low of being a FUD and winning the spoon then taking all the abuse that goes with it. This gives you a good kick up the arse and makes you raise your game - going on to better things which you did so well.

This has happened to a few players in the past but none have went from DIDDY TO CHAMPION as quick as John.

You can now hold your head up around the Club and Lenzie once again.

More on John and Ian later in the week.

Yesterday we had good conditions and this resulted in season bests from John Sommerville ,George Leadbitter, Gordon Sinclair and Mick Drummond. John's 35 points lifts him up to 7th overall and a chance of a place in the top 3 at the end of the Tour.

A big score for George was a must as before this round he was propping up the league. He rose to the occasion and netted a good 35 points to get him off the bottom.

This position is now filled by Kenny Lang who was absent yesterday. He now finds himself in pole position for the Donkey award. This prize will not be determined until the last ball has been hit at Ladybank.

Also currently in a dire position is John Hamilton with only 107 points from 4 rounds. John has to get 29 points at Ladybank (if he turns up - would you ???) and hope Kenny doesn't improve on his worst which is 23 points.

Others also in the fight to avoid the prize as the seasons worst player are Graham Dickie, George Leadbitter and Derek Mitchell.

At the other end of the table Neil continued to play good golf and his score yesterday was enough for him to set a new record for 5 rounds with 1 still to go. 180 points is a average of 36 points for each round - great scoring.

This left Stevie Paul and Craig Chalmers chasing him to the finish but neither managed to reduce the gap.

Stevie scored well yesterday and has been one of the Tours most consistent players this season but with Neil also getting 6 extra points the gap remains 8 . Stevie got 36 points to still give himself a chance a Ladybank.

Craig never scored well enough on the front 9 and only managed 30 points. This means he is now 12 points behind Neil and would need a score similar to his total 2 years ago when he managed 41 points at Ladybank.

Moving up into the top 4 was Gerry Cullen with 34 points and if he hadn't blobbed on the last he might have got into top 3 for the last round.

Obviously Neil is clear favourite now for this years overall prize but you all know the old saying "It's not over till the fat lady sings".

Results from Powfoot

J Carslaw 39

S Paul 36

M Drummond 36

J Sommerville 35

G Leadbitter 35

G Cullen 34

I Hutchinson 34

N Keir 34

G Sinclair 34

D Graham 33

J Wylie 32

T Nicholson 32

G Stewart 30

C Chalmers 30

R Chalmers 30

D Wylie 30

B Gibson 30

K Mc Kinney 30

P James 30

D Totten 29

S McPherson 29

J Wynn 27

G Dickie 27

J Cullen 24

A Smart 24

I Baird 21

Nearest the Pin Winners

John Wynn

T Nicholson

SPOON BOY

IAN BAIRD

Sweep Winners

J Carslaw

M Drummond

J Sommerville

TOP 5

N Keir 180

SPaul 172

C Chalmers 168

G Cullen 166

B Newall 163

Bottom 5

D Totten 144

D Mitchell 143

G Leadbitter 142

G Dickie 139

K Lang 135

More pictures and league positions to follow soon.

POWFOOT UPDATE

Powfoot is still on for tomorrow.

Update at 11.00 am Saturday

I spoke to the club master this morning and they have had no snow and are not expecting any.

They had some light rain this morning but it is dry and fine now.

Course is open and on full greens.

Food from 9.30 onwards.

Every thing looks okay for tomorrow.

6/7 degrees and dry.

Any changes I will email or text all players.

See you all there.

STEVIE HITS WATER TWICE !

LATE PHOTO FROM DRUMOIG

This is a photo of Stevie Paul watching his second ball disappear into the water. The first went left into the water and the second miles right to a watery grave also. I understand that was a blob on that hole. Stevie still managed to get his game back on track and posted a solid 34 points.