A GOOD FAST ROUND

THE 18TH HEADING BACK TO THE CLUBHOUSE.

At 3.30 today I decided to go for a game as I have not played a full round since pulling my groin in the Club Champs.

Went over to Bellview Biltmore one of the oldest courses in Florida and my "local". Designed by the famous Scots course designer Donald Ross it is always in excellent condition and has a beautiful large club house and all the usual amenities. Fairways were fantastic and greens good tho not as fast as they can be.

There were 2 surprises in store for me . The first was it was very quite and I was able to bomb round in 95 minutes. The green fee was only $29 as it is the summer and the later you play in the day the cheaper it gets. That was the total for a buggy and golf - fantastic value.

The second was that I played some of my best golf since having my knee butchered by the NHS last November and shot a 77 only 5 over for this tight testing course of some 6200 yards. Just shows you sometimes a break does you good (apart from a 2 ball tie I haven't hit a ball for 2 and a half weeks)

Next game is on Friday with Smarty as he is arriving tomorrow morning from a very wet Orlando. He has been swamped every day with heavy down pours lasting for hours sometimes.

Hopefully things remain dry here for him and we get a game in before he heads back inland.

YORKIE GETS CHEWED TO BITS

AULD NEWS

Some news I had but never posted prior to leaving.

The night before I left I met Davy "Yorkie" Stirling going out to play fellow Hacker Stevie"Ma Card" Paul in a Singles tie.

Stevie was doing his usual moaning about his opponent getting far to many shots (17 in total) and this competition was a joke for the better players like him !!

Yorkie was saying nothing but had a confident smile on his face as they set off to the first tee.

I went into the club for about a hour and then went out for a few holes with Craig. As we got to the bottom of the 5th Yorkie and Ma Card came strolling down the 18th.

"That's been quick " I said to them.

"Aye gee them all the shots they want they still need to hit the fucking ball" said Stevie with a smile on his face.

The result was that The Yorkie was devoured and then spat out in little pieces and Stevie posted a 7-6 victory and marches on into the next round.

Another wee snippet for the site was a match 2 weeks ago involving The Draincleaner our very own Mr Hutch playing Donald McKellar in a singles match.

I was out with the juniors in a team match and Hutch teed off behind the last game. It was lashing down and it stayed that way the whole night.

We went out to the double greens to see how the boys were doing and I saw Hutch hitting a 3 wood for his second shot up the 9th !!

About 5 minutes later I was surprised to see Hutch stroll past me on the 12th tee. He stopped and turned to me and said "Fucking Juniors are shite I've had enough of this standing about in the rain ". He then marched off up the 7th heading back to the club house for a early bath.

It was the juniors fault that he was getting a pumping and it wasn't worth carrying on past the 9th so he must have been getting well and truly humped. Don't know the actual score but it must have been plenty.

TUESDAY MEDAL

No low scoring in the Tuesday medal but Dot Totten posted a score with numbers and not letters. The NR'S were left to Bilbo and Jamie -another £2.00 to the prize fund. With all the matchplay competitions out the way we now are back to medals and there is a few weeks to go before the outing to Auchterader so I can see the prize fund growing nicely. Just wait to Big Vera returns then the fund will ballon.

SUNSET FLORIDA STYLE

SUNSET OVER THE GULF OF MEXICO

Last nights the sunset was a cracker.

Pictures taken from my balcony while having dinner.

Spoke to Alex this morning on Viber (a app on the i phone ) with the mobile so no costs.

Amazing how you can now use your mobile abroad and call another mobile anywhere in the world and pay nothing. All you need is a wireless connection. Crystal clear connection as we spoke this morning. Texts are also free to.

Smarty and myself are teeing off on Friday morning at 7.41am.

There is water on 15 of the 18 holes. Will need some range balls I think just incase we run out.

Alex will be using Craig's Minzuno blades so should be fun !!

Craig is back in Scotland and was at Callander yesterday for the County Boys team against Stirlingshire but the course was closed and remained so due to heavy rain. So a wasted journey.

THE DONKEY IS 60 YEARS OLD

Kenny "Donkey" Lang was 60 yesterday. Danny provided a balloon and it was tied to his arse for the rest of the day.

Congratulations Kenny all the way from Florida.

RESULTS FROM 72 CLUB OUTING

Hacker Johnny Sommerville was the winner yesterday at the summer outing of the 72 Club. John had 36 points.

I have only had a brief email from Sinky about the day but he was keen to point out that Jim Cullen had the worst score of the day. A outstanding 17 points which is shocking shooting from Jim as he has been playing well the previous month.

He is lucky I am over here and can't give a hole by hole account.

The only other scores I have is Sinky had 29 and played bad. Foxy had 28 points and according to Gordon hit the ball well but 3 putted all day - 43 putts was mentioned so not good from a 4 handicapper.

RESULTS FROM SATURDAY

The internet allows me to check up on results from the weekend and keep track of he is scoring and who is hacking.

Rotten Totten is up to his old tricks and a NR means a further contribution to the prize fund.

Billy Gibson and Graham Dickie both had a 66 but score of the weekend was General George with a net 64. Well done George.

Other scores were Nae Wynn 71 ,Donkey 73 and Jamie Carroll 73.

I have heard the weather has been it's usual wet self so just to rub it in before I finish. I am sitting on my balcony doing this post it is only 7.30 in the morning and its 83 degrees !!

Smarty is up in Orlando and has been trying to contact me to arrange a visit here to the beach with his family and grab some golf. So there might be some hacking here in the USA to report on later.

Keep Hacking Gents.

Milingavie Open 16th July

Names below are entered.

R Chalmers

P James

I Hutchison

B Gibson

A Smart

D Graham

B Newall

G Leadbitter

I Baird

N Keir

J Sommerville

K Lang

K McKinney

D Drew

G Dickie

S McPherson

16 Players entered.

Anyone not on the list and wants to play let me know asap.

Cost is £12.00.

A LONG DAY AT THE GOLF

Ian Fox and 2 friends completed their 4 rounds of golf for charity last night at 7.00pm some 14 hours after they started.

They completed 2 rounds at Crow Wood and 2 at Lenzie. The weather was good for them as yesterday was one of the better days we have had for golf all season.

The above photos were taken by me as they walked off the 18th at Lenzie.

So well done to Ian and all concerned.

HACKERS CLUB CHAMP

LENZIE CLUB CHAMPS 2011

Craig won his 4th Junior Club Championship today.

After the morning round he had a lead of 7 holes after shooting a solid 2 over par against Calumn Lonsdale . The conditions in the morning were a constant drizzle but in the afternoon it became heavy and even torrential at times.

Craig finished the afternoon round at the 10th winning 10-8 and was 1 under par for 9 of the 10 holes played.

In the Gents match Ian Ross defeated David Wylie on the 37th hole after a very tight game that went back and forth throughout the 2 rounds.

OTHER NEWS FROM SUNDAY

Thomson McCrone team WON 3-2 at Lenzie and are sitting in 1st place with 1 match left to go.

Hackers with Craig are Alex , Paul and Davy

Junior Convener and Hacker David Stirling with Craig after prize giving

Craig hitting his second to the 15th green in the morning.

CARDROSS RESULTS

Saturday 18th

Gents Open

Ian Hutchinson 72

Alex Smart 77

David Graham 77

Davy Drew 77

John Wynn 78

John Sommerville 78

Billy Gibson 78

George Leadbitter 81

Stevie McPherson 82

Ian Baird 82

Ted Dalbeck NR

Kenny Lang NR

Winner of the sweep was Ian Hutchinson and Alex Smart and Davy Graham splitting the runner up money.

I am told that the course was in great condition but played very long due to the tee positions and the wet conditions.

Kenny paid his £1.00 for his NR at the 17th. All proceeds go to the outing on the 31st of July.

NEXT OPEN IS THE 16TH OF JULY AT MILINGAVIE.

15 PLAYERS HAVE ENTERED.

If anyone has not entered and wishes to do so then let me know before Wednesday as I am confirming numbers with them before I go away.

Saturday Medal

Only a couple of mentions from Saturday.

Craig was lowest gross with a 70 +4 and Andrew Alexander shot a net 67 - 1 over in the second class group. Derek posted a NR for another £1.00 donation.

SCOTTY BAGS A HOLE IN 1

Above video shows an amazing hole in 1 and that anything is possible.

LENZIE GOLF CLUB

18th MEDAL TEE FROM OVER THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WATER.

Scott bagged a great hole in 1 on the 18th the other day. Hitting a 2 iron (what's that ?) over oor lake a distance of 195 yards and into the hole. A great hole and one and the first ever on the temporary 18th at Lenzie over the water.

Congratulations to Scott.

Results from tonight's Club Champs.

Ian Fox lost in the semi final against a frequent Hackers guest David Wylie. David got a great start with 2 birdies and Ian was 3 down after 3 making it hard to get back into the match. Ian Ross won the other semi final and now meets David in Sundays final.

In the Junior Championship Craig Chalmers won 5/4 and he now meets Calumn Lonsdale in the final.

DIDDY OF THE MONTH FOR MAY

BILBO BAGS THE TITLE

Balmore Open 2011

Leaving a windswept Balmore after just 3 holes Billy decided to stop over at Lenzie to see if the wind was less there and try his luck in the medal.

He then teed off and continued to play crap just as he had at Balmore.

So Billy is the diddy for May. Walking off after just 3 holes -- sorry 2 holes he never putted out on the 3rd was bad enough but to head straight out again on another course in terrible conditions has gave him this title.

Other contenders were :

Stevie Paul trying to use his Lenzie card at Balmore.

Kevin McKinney for the quickest drop in form since David Duval.

John Nae Wynn for hitting high scores so consistently.

Tommy and Mick for getting pumped 7/6 at Hayston.

Paul James for finishing the Open at Balmore with a 8.

Alex Smart for hitting his ball everywhere on the last at Balmore including the shoe cleaner.

BASIL BATTLES ON

Club Champs update

Ian Fox reached the semi final stage of the Club Champs by beating Graham Noblett on the 17th.

Well done to Ian and all the best for tomorrow night.

I failed to qualify for the semi's due to me slipping on the first tee with my first shot of the night and tearing a muscle right up the top of my groin. It was out of nothing and I immediately knew I was in trouble. I couldn't even hit a small 50 yard pitch without severe pain. I tried a drive on the 2nd but there was no chance of me continuing and I shook hands with Jamie on the 3rd tee.

My knee had been bothering me all day at work and was sore before teeing off and maybe I was trying to protect it - who knows but I was extremely disappointed as I think Jamie and me would have had a good game.

In the Junior Championship Craig won his match 7/5 and is now in the semi final.

CARDROSS TEE TIMES

Saturday 17th

Tee Times

T Dalbeck I Hutchinson 11.20

B Gibson J Wynn 11.30

G Leadbitter D Drew 11.40

A Smart D Graham 11.50

I Baird J Sommerville 12.00

K Lang S McPherson 12.20

George , Ian and John still to pay £12.00

Neil is away on holiday and his mate Ted who has played with us before is taking his place.

NUDE TEES

NEW PRODUCT ON SALE SOON IN JIM'S SHOP.

These wee beauties are guaranteed to keep your eye on the ball and your head down !!!!

CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP UPDATE

SUNDAY 12th JUNE

Results of the 3 Hackers playing.

The first game out and Jim Wylie was competing against his son David who is the defending champion and Jim was defeated out at the 15th hole.

Ian Fox defeated Alan Bauer and now progresses to the quarter finals.

In my game I was playing Graham Stewart and I won on the 17th to also progress into the next round which is to be played on Tuesday.

Ian plays Graham Noblett and I am up against Jamie O Prey. Also I am playing Jamie in a 2 ball tie tomorrow night before we meet in the quarters so that will be interesting.

THOMSON McCRONE LEAGUE

8 players from the Hackers Tour played in todays match against Douglas Park.

John Wynn with Davie Mathers won 5/3

Mick Drummond and Graham Dickie got a half match

Paul James with Davie McRoberts won 2/1

Alex Smart and George Leadbitter won 1 up

Robert Chalmers and Tommy Nicholson got a half match

Result a 4-1 win for Lenzie .

We are now top of the section with 2 games to go.

CONGRATULATIONS FROM EVERYONE ON THE HACKERS TOUR TO THE DRUMMOND FAMILY MICK AND ESTHER ON THE BIRTH OF THEIR BABY DAUGHTER MEGAN.

SUMMER GOLF IN SCOTLAND

The photo below was taken at Clydebank and District Golf Club last Tuesday. The Lenzie juniors were playing their team and at 5.15pm hail and sleet started and with only 2 games out we had to postpone the rest of the games until it stopped and we were able to clear the greens. The weather for all team matches this year has been shocking and the next night the DC team had their match cancelled due to thunder and lightning.

So far the weather this season has been very poor and a wind of some sorts has been around for weeks now. Let's hope things improve for the next few months.

A SPECIAL CLUB

A RUSTY NAIL ON TAP

A special club for Jamie and Kenny.

GOLFER OF THE MONTH - MAY

TOP DOG IN MAY

I have got a short list of 5 for last months award.

Johnny Sommerville - 4th at Dornoch Open and a net 61 in medal.

Jim Cullen - Hackers Record set at 60 and broke 90 for the first time.

Ian Baird- Won the Balmore Open 1st Class Competition.

Craig Chalmers - Equaled the course gross record with a 65 and shot 3 other sub par rounds.

Andrew Alexander - Won the Second Class Champs and shot a net 64.

All are strong candidates for this months award but due to Andrew winning one of the main competitions this season I feel he just wins it by that performance. He played the 2 qualifying rounds and then won the four match play rounds beating fellow Hacker Graham Dickie in the final.

Top Dog for May

Andrew Alexander

SINKY SLINKS OFF

Monday 6th June

While playing his Singles tie Mr Sinclair was spotted walking off the 12th on Monday night by Mr Smart. He asked Gordon the score only to be told "I got beat". He refused to say by how much.

The next morning Alex rang me to tell me this and said "see if you can find out the score as he was for saying zilch last night". I sent him a text and was told the same "I got beat". Four text messages later I finally got the score out of him - a whopping 7-6 pumping. Who was his opponent ? Don't know and it doesn't matter as 7-6 is more than a early bath it's a total humping.

Where is he now?

He left the country the next morning as he couldn't face the music so he hopped on a plane and is currently residing in Switzerland.

Will he come back?

Will he stay in exile ?

Smarty wants a breakdown of each hole and for me to post details of Sinky's humiliating drubbing. I don't think we will get a breakdown from the defeated golfer.

WEEKEND RESULTS

CLUB CHAMPS QUALIFIER RD 1

Below is some of the scores that caught my eye.

Billy Gibson 86 - 6 = 80

Jamie Carroll 94 - 14 = 80

Danny Totten 89 - 11 = 78

Kenny Lang 92 - 15 = 77

Kevin McKinney 90 - 14 = 76

John Hamilton 84 - 8 = 76

Paul James NR

Ian Fox 70 - 4 = 66

Craig Chalmers 72 - 3 = 69

SUNDAY ROUND 2

Craig Chalmers 67 - 3 = 64

Gordon Sinclair 71 - 6 = 65

Brian Newall 83 -17 = 66

Ian Fox 72 - 4 = 68

John Wynn 97 - 16 = 81

The Hackers have 3 qualifiers for the last 16 this year.

Ian Fox

Robert Chalmers

Jim Wylie

The snap shot of scores above show that there was a wide variety of scores and the tough windy conditions once again made scoring very hard.

On Saturday Bilbo Gibson shot a incredible 86 shots which to some players is okay but Billy is a 6 handicapper.

What has gone wrong with Kevin MCKinney our golfer of the month in April ? In April he was burning up the course with scores of 61 /62 and now is shooting 76 +. The pressure of everyone knowing he is the best player for April ??

Kenny Lang continues to accompany Kevin around the course and is now brought Kevin down to shooting as many shots as our Tour Donkey. Between them they had 182 shots on Saturday!!!

Rotten Tottens score of 89 shots shows us he hasn't recovered from the pumping Stevie gave him on Friday.

On Sunday sub par rounds for Craig and Gordon with 64 and 65 respectively. They played together along with Brian Newell and I must mention that Brian shot 66 net with a 8 at the 4th and a 7 at the 5th. He had 15 shots on 2 par 3s and finished with a 66 - what a score he could have had.

John Wynn had the highest net score for the whole weekend with a awesome 81 shots. I knew he was struggling as he called over to me while he was playing the 9th to announce he was playing 5 off the tee - 2 balls out into the yellow field.

Qualifiers for the last 16 were Ian, Jim and myself with Ian being the best and having a total of 142. Craig finished 3rd overall and had a total of 139 but he will be playing in the Junior Club Champs.

I will finish by giving a small mention to Paul James and Murray Greig. Between them they had 21 shots at 2 holes. Paul had a 10 at the 15th and Murray had 11 at the 10th. The players Murray was playing with were Brian Stewart and Bruce Finney. Brian won the hole with a 7 and Bruce had a 8 meaning between them they had 26 shots playing the 10th !!!

Mr James is threatening to sue me and the Blog for abuse as he is getting more abuse than anyone else. The reason for that is that he provides things like 10s and 8s and NR'S on a regular basis. He should keep his head down and stay quite and we all know there is fuck all chance of that happening.

To finish please note Vera recorded another NR on Saturday so he is now £2.00 down.

REVENGE FOR STEVIE "MA CARD" PAUL

ARCHERFIELD LINKS FRIDAY AFTERNOON

Stevie and John take all the money.

After all the pushing to get the Balmore Diddy post on the site during the week the Diddy was out for revenge against the main instigator of the post Dot Totten.

At 5pm just 30 seconds after putting out on the 18th Stevie was on the phone. " Get that computer fired up I have a news that needs to be posted for all the Hackers to see". He wants us all to see he is not a Diddy on the course just in the club house.

The venue was Archerfield Links next to Muirfield. The victims were Scott "Skitty" Kennedy and Rotten Totten. Stevie's partner was John Carslaw and the result was a royal humping of Dotty and Skitty.

Stevie is insisting I give the full breakdown of the pumping. A whopping 7-6 and victory on both front and back 9 - "the full boona" said Stevie.

Stevie asked me "Who's the Diddy now"?

SHORTEST DRIVE AT BALMORE

Balmore

George Leadbitter 20 yards from the 11th tee.

George was a clear winner of the shortest drive as he had 2 - 20 yard drives on the day. Both drives proved to be disastrous.

The first was at the second hole were George hit a stone 20 yards off the and the ball bounce over the wall. That was the only bit of luck George had on that hole as he went on to rack up a 7 at the par 3.

At the 11th George hit it 20 yards and lost the ball at the same time !! 20 yards and he caught the rough and it was gone. Reloading he fired one up the left hand side and proceeded to lose that one also as we couldn't find that one either. Result NR.

WHERE IS MA BALL ???

RELOAD - GONE ALSO.

SMARTY'S ATTACKS THE SHOE CLEANER AT 18 PAUL ATTACKS EVERYTHING APART FROM THE HOLE.

BALMORE

At the 18th hole on Saturday 2 Hackers showed a full club house how to Hack things up big time.

Instead of attacking the pin Alex went for the pro shop and ended up in the shoe cleaner.

Paul played out of the trees, water, long grass ,short grass , sand , and then a putting surface.

Who ever said golf was boring ??

ALEX LOOKING DRAINED AFTER HIS FIGHT WITH THE SHOE CLEANER

Playing the 18th on Saturday at Balmore Alex hits his best drive of the day straight down the middle leaving him a very easy second shot to the green.

We Hackers don't like playing easy shots to the green as we are not often in that position and when we are we tend to fuck things up big time.

That is what Oor Eck did on Saturday.

His shot was 60 yards off line just missing the pro shop which was saved by the large netting to the side. It then bounced off a tree hit the path to the locker rooms bounced down the path to finally rest behind the shoe cleaner !!!! That is miles from the green in fact you can't even see the fecking thing from where he landed. - so much for his easy approach shot. His ball was unplayable and resulted in a drop then numerous other slaps before he finally got it in the hole. I am not sure what the final tally was for the hole but I don't think it was as bad as Big Pauls total collapse down the home straight.

Mr James who made a excellent job of embarrassing not just himself but everyone of us with him as he went from nearly going OB ,then into the burn ,then knifing it to the back of the green, then chipping from the back of the green right through and off the front into a bunker. All his Lenzie club mates were watching from the club along with his brother and friends from Douglestone GC - great entertainment.

This was avery costly cock up for Paul as he finished with a net 73 and a easy par down the last would have put him in the top 3 overall.

These 2 players on that hole proved themselves to be real true Hackers.

Well done Gents.

KENNY GETS HIS DONKEY

Winter Tour Donkey winner Kenny lang was finally presented with his donkey head cover and this is his till end of next winter.

Donkey should be carried with pride at all times.

NAE WYNN EQUALS KENNYS 85

TUESDAY MEDAL

Last John Wynn equaled the worst net score of the season with 85 blows.

At least John finished and carded a score of 101 gross.

So 85 remains the worst of the season by John and Kenny.