HAPPY NEW YEAR
TO ALL
HACKERS
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Thursday, 29 December 2011
BEST POST AWARD 2011
There could only be one winner.
Yes gents Hutch and his visit to the doctor.
At our Grand Final this year Hutch walked away with the Spoon and telling us all his putting was what let him down. The below story tells what happened afterwards.
This is a true story !!!!!
For all who missed this post here it is again.
DOCTOR DOCTOR I NEED HELP !!
The real reason for Hutchy winning the Spoon.
I have resisted posting this news until I had it confirmed by the player himself as it is unbelievable and I thought Mr Sinclair was taking the piss.
We all know the wee Drain Cleaner as he is now known in the Tour had the pleasure of winning the Spoon at our final winter Tour event. He has flirted very close on several occasions this season to winning this much desired award. None more so than at Southerness where he avoided it on count back and saved himself a long walk from Dumfries as he had told us to shove the spoon up our rear ends.
So at Ladybank he finally got his hands on the Spoon.
"I hit the ball great but I couldn't putt,"
" I kept missing the hole by 2 inches at each hole."
The above statements are from Winston (his substitute nick name) after he finished.
Obviously he was not a happy chappy at getting this award. The following day after long discussions with his beloved wife Jennifer he decided to visit the doctor.
"I'm telling you Jennifer there is something wrong with me I am a great putter and I putted like a total fanny at Ladybank."
"I think I will go and see the doctor and get him to check me out"
So off he goes on Monday morning to see the doctor about his bad putting !!!!!
I must emphasise that this is not bull shit and the best is yet to come.
On telling the doctor of his putting woes and winning the spoon the doctor said" Ian I want to do a quick test"
The doctor then produces a fucking putter and ball from behind his desk and asks Winston to putt to a mark on the carpet. After a few putts he asks him to sit down.
Gents this is a doctors surgery remember not the fucking World of Golf or the driving range!!!
He then proceeded to have a look at Winston's ears and uttered the words
"I KNOW WHY YOU PUTTED BADLY YOU HAVE A EAR INFECTION CAUSING YOU TO PUTT 2 INCHES OFF LINE DUE TO A IN BALANCE BETWEEN YOUR EARS."
I repeat myself again Gents this is in the doctors surgery where the doctor keeps putters and Pro V's behind his desk for zoomers who can't putt!!!!
Hutch went to see the doctor because he won the spoon.
You could not make it up.
So now Gents now you know why Hutch won the spoon - a ear infection was causing him to miss the hole with his putts. What was he wanting extra points for having wax in his ears ????
As far as we are all concerned you won the spoon because you played rubbish just like every other winner of the spoon during the season.
Anyway Hutchy your infection must be better as you played very well a few weeks ago to finish second in the County Spring Meeting. So well done to the Wee Drain Cleaner.
If your ears stay uninfected you might get rid of the spoon at Auchterader in July.
BEST PICTURE AND DIDDY OF THE YEAR
HACKERS AWARDS FOR 2011
Looking back over the year there has been some 249 articles posted on the web site. I could look back and give awards for player of the year, golf shot of the year,most consistant golfer,most improved and all the usual awards that are given out at this time of the year.
That would be to boring.
So let's look at some others to present.
Best picture of the year
From Ladybank in March we had the Spoon looking round the corner at Hutch who was hiding in the lounge not wanting to take the spoon home.
Diddy of the year
In April this year 20 of us went over to Balmore to play in their Open. We were told to put our scores in the computer when we finished as it was set up for all players. You just had type in your initials and up came your name.
That's to simple for some people and we had a Hacker standing in Balmore Club swiping away in frustration with his Lenzie Golf card trying to enter his score.
Diddy of the year 2011 - Stevie "Ma Card "Paul.
Below is the original post
THE BALMORE DIDDY
Gentlemen I was going to keep this post for another day but I have had Danny Totten emailing , texting and now phoning me wanting me to tell all about Stevie "ma card doesn't work on the computer" Paul. So here we go the story of the Balmore Diddy.
Looking back over the year there has been some 249 articles posted on the web site. I could look back and give awards for player of the year, golf shot of the year,most consistant golfer,most improved and all the usual awards that are given out at this time of the year.
That would be to boring.
So let's look at some others to present.
Best picture of the year
Diddy of the year
In April this year 20 of us went over to Balmore to play in their Open. We were told to put our scores in the computer when we finished as it was set up for all players. You just had type in your initials and up came your name.
That's to simple for some people and we had a Hacker standing in Balmore Club swiping away in frustration with his Lenzie Golf card trying to enter his score.
Diddy of the year 2011 - Stevie "Ma Card "Paul.
Below is the original post
THE BALMORE DIDDY
Gentlemen I was going to keep this post for another day but I have had Danny Totten emailing , texting and now phoning me wanting me to tell all about Stevie "ma card doesn't work on the computer" Paul. So here we go the story of the Balmore Diddy.
For the benefit of all who were not there on Saturday I will explain the procedure for entering your score at BALMORE GOLF CLUB GENTS OPEN. On completing your round you were instructed to go to their computer which was the same as ours then go to the index and find your name as all entrants were on the file. Then you entered your score at BALMORE GOLF CLUB - simple.
Well it's simple for most people but we Hackers have some crackers and boy did this hacker let the side down.
While most of us were sitting having a drink and eating in comes Stevie and walks up to me to and makes a big mistake by waving his LENZIE GOLF CLUB card in my direction. He then utters the now famous "MA CARD DOESN'T WORK WHAT WILL I DO" ??
"Your at fucking Balmore of course your Lenzie card won't work on their computer" I said to him. He quickly realised what a tit he had made of himself and tried to retract his words but to late Danny Balaclava had over heard this and well that was that.
I just hope for everyones sake that no members from any other clubs were waiting to put their scores in as our trumpet head was swiping his LENZIE GC card up and down the BALMORE GC machine trying to get his name to appear. What a boy !!!!
So Stevie it makes a change for the diddy award to be for something other than playing shite at golf. It was a good laugh as you set yourself up for a wee diddy post on the web site.
I did ask for Stevie to pose yesterday at Hayston with his membership card but he refused to cooperate.
So there you go Danny I hope that this wee post keeps you happy.
I almost forgot Danny wanted me to mention that he got a 2 at Balmore - the only one amongst us. He contacted me tonight to ask how much he got for his 2. I said "contact Balmore what do you think I am your personal secretary".
At Balmore there was 20 of us playing 6 par 3s which is 120 attempts and only 1 got a 2.
Sorry I got that wrong Billy never played 5 of his par 3s as he wandered off to Lenzie after getting a 4 at the first one.
SOON TO FOLLOW BEST POST OF THE YEAR
PLAY IT AS IT LIES
CAN I HAVE MY BALL BACK ?
Craig and me were playing 2 days ago and the above picture shows Craig's ball sitting 6 feet from a large gator sunning him self at the side of a lake. It was a par 3 about 180 yards and as he hit his shot it missed the green and kicked down towards the water.
When we got up there it was clear that Craig's ball wasn't the only one sitting next to the gator. You can see 2 balls sitting close to it.
I offered all sorts of rewards to him if he went down to play it as it lay. He never even ventured down to get a closer look at the sun bathing gator.
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
NEW CLUBS FOR SHANKER ???
SHANKLESS HYBIRDS
FOR
TOMMY NICHOLSON
This is a advert from a magazine we get in the States. They are now making shankless hybirds could a set of these be the answer to Shankers woes. Let me know Tommy if you want a full set - 52-60 degrees available.
FINAL PHOTO'S FROM WHITEKIRK
WINNER OF THE NEAREST TO THE PIN JIM CULLEN
THESE 2 SMILING HACKERS ARE CURRENTLY IN THE "DONKEY 4 BALL" AS SCORES SIT AFTER 5 ROUNDS
Friday, 23 December 2011
"I'LL HUMP YOU"
GERALDO HUMPS
WEE BROTHER
JIM
On the first tee Jim announced to brother Gerry "I am going to hump you today ". Oor Rocky ended up with only 17 points so he was the one who got pumped humped and dumped. Gerry was smiling as he accepted his winnings.
CHRISTMAS CRACKERS
BIN LADEN IN DISGUISE KENNY LANG
CHRISTMAS SPOON BOY
WHITEKIRK
SPOON WINNER
DAVID
"YORKIE"
STIRLING
 |
| DRIVES AWAY WITH THE SPOON |
David joined Jamie's large gang of Spoon winners last weekend and he was presented the Spoon by the King Spooner himself.
David's 13 points won this prize comfortably and his travelling partner John Cumming nearly had 3 times the number of points David managed to gain.
Thats the Spoon won David now it's time to win an event as that seems the norm. Win a Spoon and progress to greater things.
That is unless you decide to take Jamie's crown from him in the next few months.
Monday, 19 December 2011
LOOKS LIKE A SCORCHING DAY
WHITEKIRK
2011
HACKERS SCORES AFTER 5 ROUNDS
EACH PLAYERS BEST 3 SCORES AFTER 5 ROUNDS
There is now 30 players with 3 rounds completed.
G Sinclair 106
G Dickie 105
I Baird 104
B Gibson 104
N Keir 104
J Wynn 104
B Murphy 104
I Fox 102
S Paul 101
P James 100
A Alexander 100
A Smart 99
J Wylie 99
R Chalmers 97
S Kennedy 97
J Carslaw 97
M Drummond 96
S Jessney 95
K Lang 92
G Cullen 92
T Nicholson 91
D Mitchell 90
D Graham 89
J Cullen 89
S Gibson 88
G Leadbitter 87
D Stirling 86
C Chalmers 84
J Sommerville 82
R Aitken 79
Not many changes to the leader board. John Wynn moves up a few places with his 33 points at the weekend by dropping a 31 point round. Moving into the 10 is Brian Murphy who has now completed 3 rounds and has 75 points from 2 of them. Paul James dumped a 31 pointer and replaces it with his 34 yesterday which moves him into the 100 points.
At the other end we see Richard Aitken our official Montrose Spoon winner propping up the table now that he has 3 rounds completed. Johnny "Wishbone" gained a precious 2 points to now sit on 82. Craig's bad day at Whitekirk has him sitting in the donkey 4 ball game at this moment. The other member of that 4 ball is Spoon Winner yesterday David Stirling.
Things can change very quickly now and the next couple of rounds become very important as everyone now starts to drop off their poorest rounds and gain a few more points.
8 PLAYERS WITH 5 ROUNDS IN ALREADY
N Keir 163
P James 159
B Gibson 156
A Smart 150
S Jessney 147
S Kennedy 145
G Leadbitter 141
S Gibson 129
Last years Tour Champion is setting the pace up front with 163 points. The winning total should be 180-185 depending on how many rounds we play.
WHITEKIRK RESULTS
A REAL WINTERS TOUR EVENT
SUNDAY 18TH
WHITEKIRK
WINTER TOUR RD 5
WHITEKIRK
Yesterday was our 5th round of the winter and somehow we managed to get a game near North Berwick at Whitekirk Golf Club.
The course surface was very hard in places and made scoring very tough for most with the greens just about impossible to hold. That aside, the course was in fantastic shape and everyone seemed to enjoy a great layout. There were lots of calls for a visit to be arranged back there next summer.
The scores were mostly poor and not many will be using that round as one of their best five. We only had 8 players getting 30 points or more.
One person who won't be using his round is David "Yorkie "Stirling who drove himself into the Hackers record books by setting a new record for worst points total in a Tour event. His grand total was 13 points, beating Craig's 14 set at Dundonald in 2008. Both these scores were on frozen ground and Geraldo's 16 points at Scotscraig last year remains the Tour record in normal conditions.
It really was a day for grinding out enough points to stay out of the Spoon's way and every point was hard to get with most of it down to luck. It was all about how far the balls bounced on the green and getting up and down was extremely difficult all the time.
So, we know who won the Spoon. How did the rest of the scores go?
In first place with a very impressive 37 points was John Cumming who was also a Spoon winner last year . Once again, we have a player winning both awards. John's score was 2 shots ahead of Brian Murphy and 3 ahead of Paul "Vera" James who finished with 34, beating Gary Davner on count back.
We have made a mistake with the sweep prizegiving, as Brian should have had 2 points off his score because he has already won a round this season. That was what we did last year to spread the money around more amongst everyone and it worked well. So Brian, you owe Vera £10.00 for the sweep as you only got 33 points. Everyone still gets their full handicap score from the course recorded, it's only for the sweep you are cut. Gary Davner also would have got 3rd place but I dont think Gary will be about as he is off back to Singapore soon, so you might manage to hang onto the 3rd place at this moment.
Nearest the pins were Ian Baird and Jim Cullen who both did very well just to stop the ball on the greens.
I am told that Ian used a rake to stop his ball and Jim just putted his ball from the tee to the green with one big might swipe along the ground. That is what his big brother Geraldo told me.
In the pairs event we had Davy"Vaginer" Graham and John Cumming winning comfortably with 31 /37 points between them for a total of 68.
So that's 5 rounds in this winter and the leader board has got even tighter with 11 players having between 100 and 106 points !!
Full Leaderboard will be posted soon.
Scores from Whitekirk
J Cumming 37
B Murphy 35
P James 34
G Davner 34
J Wynn 33
D Graham 31
M Drummond 31
G Dickie 31
S Paul 30
I Fox 29
J O Prey 29
G Leadbitter 28
J Hamilton 28
G Cullen 27
G Sinclair 27
R Aitken 27
N Keir 27
S Kennedy 26
R Chalmers 26
I Baird 26
D Mitchell 25
J Sommerville 25
B Gibson 25
A Smart 25
S Jessney 24
J Nicholson 24
A Alexander 23
T Nicholson 20
C Chalmers 18
J Cullen 17
S Gibson 16
D Stirling 13
More course photos, leaderboard details, the dinner presentation of awards and pool pictures to follow soon.
ALSO WE WILL HAVE THE "LOLLYPOP MAN" PICTURE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE AGAIN OR IF YOU MISSED THE DINNER YOU CAN SEE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME SOON.
LOST BALLS
SMALL BALLS FROM THE PAST.
The other day while down taking photos on the 4th at Lenzie I found a couple of balls just uncovered by the ground being scraped.
They were a Uniroyal Eagle and a Penfold Ace.
The first thing you notice is just how small the older balls were especially the eagle. The Eagle was from the 60's and the Ace the 70's.
Saturday, 17 December 2011
WHITEKIRK TOMORROW
PHONED WHITEKIRK AT 11.00AM TODAY AND FULL COURSE IS ON .
SLIGHT FROST THIS MORNING BUT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
DETAILS FOR TOMORROW
Mar Hall is definitely a no go this weekend due to frost and snow.
Having phoned lots of courses I have managed to get us out at Whitekirk Golf Club just before North Berwick.
Its about 1 hour 20 mins away.
The only way they could fit us in is getting us out on the 10th at 9am. They are full till 11.00am off the first tee.
That means leaving Lenzie at 7.15 at the latest.
The general conscientious is that most Hackers want a game before dinner so that's why we are going to head over to Whitekirk
We have 31 names at this moment and 39 for dinner afterwards.
So the plan is to do the draw at 8.45am !!!! sorry.
There is food available - hot rolls and coffee before.
I am getting a deal and the golf is only £15.00 each.
First tee time is 9.00am approx.
We should all be out by 10.10am.
Play golf and leave immediately for Lenzie to meet all the ones who can't get up early to go and play golf.
Dinner will now be 4.30pm at Lenzie.
There is no snow in the East and full course is on hopefully it stays that way
I will phone them tomorrow to see how things are.
It's also not to be as cold at the coast.
Sorry about Mar Hall but maybe we can look at it for our summer round.
Players entered for Whitekirk
1 robert chalmers
2 gordon sinclair
3 craig chalmers
4 john cummings
5 scott kennedy
6 ian fox
7 alex smart
8 gerry cullen
9 simon jessney
10 stevie paul
11 neil keir
12 billy gibson
13 mick drummond
14 stephen gibson
15 graham dickie
16 george leadbitter
17 andrew alexander
18 john wynn
19 derek mitchell
20 jim cullen
21 ian baird
22 john hamilton
23 davy graham
24 johnny somerville
25 richard aitken
26 davy stirling
27 gary davner
28 jamie oprey
29 tommy nicholson
30 j nicholson
31 Paul James
32 Brian Murphy
Players for dinner only
J Carroll
D Totten
K McKinney
K Lang
J Stirling
J Carslaw X2
I McLaren
Total for dinner and presentation is 39.
Will get a show of hands tomorrow for the menu choices.
North Berwick five-day forecast
| Date | Time | Weather | Temp | Wind | Visibility | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dir | Speed | Gust | |||||
| Sat 17 Dec | 1200 |  | 2 °C | NW | 14 mph | Good | |
| 1500 | | 3 °C | WNW | 16 mph | Very Good | ||
| 1800 |  | 2 °C | WNW | 16 mph | Very Good | ||
| 2100 |  | 1 °C | W | 14 mph | Very Good | ||
| Sun 18 Dec | 0000 | | 0 °C | W | 16 mph | Good | |
| 0300 | | 0 °C | WNW | 14 mph | Very Good | ||
| 0600 | | 1 °C | W | 15 mph | Good | ||
| 0900 |  | 0 °C | WSW | 14 mph | Moderate | ||
| 1200 | | 2 °C | WSW | 15 mph | Moderate | ||
| 1500 | | 2 °C | W | 16 mph | Moderate | ||
| 1800 | | 1 °C | WSW | 13 mph | Moderate | ||
| Night | | -1 °C | SW | 10 mph | Moderate | ||
| Mon 19 Dec | Day |  | 3 °C | S | 9 mph | Moderate | |
| Night | | 3 °C | W | 26 mph | 38 mph | Very Good | |
| Tue 20 Dec | Day |  | 4 °C | W | 16 mph | Very Good | |
| Night | | 2 °C | SW | 10 mph | Moderate | ||
| Wed 21 Dec | Day | | 7 °C | SSW | 12 mph | Moderate | |
| Night | | 6 °C | WSW | 19 mph | 33 mph | Moderate | |
| Last updated: 1101 on Sat 17 Dec 2011 | |||||||
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