DRUMOIG
SPOON
BOY
2014
 |
| "At least I'm no the first in the family to win it " |
For the last 7/8 years I have witnessed 58 Hackers win the Big Spoon and on Sunday I became the 59 winner of the coveted prize.
Usually when a player wins the Spoon they skulk about waiting for the prize giving then rush up grab their award and mumble something like "I played shite "and disappear rapidly into the distance with the Spoon buried in the boot of their car.
I have avoided the Spoon over the years tho in recent times I have came very close to skulking down the road with it but some other poor sod has been more shite than me on the day.
That never happened on Sunday and I became the 59th winner of the SPOON.
Just what do you have to do to win the Spoon ??
One thing I can say for sure is that you have to hit a lot of golf shots to win the fucking thing !
So bring lots of chocolate bars and drinks. It helps with 2 things.
They keep your energy levels up because with all the shots and digging about in the rough looking for the wee white ball you will be fucked.
Also if it's a nice day you can have a wee picnic while your partners play golf because you won't be.
Also you will start playing with Donnays, Commandoes, Pinnicles and any other ball you manage to find in the shit while looking for your own wee Pro V.
Losing 6 Pro V's isn't a option on a SPOON Day so dig out the Slazengers etc and hit and hope.
Here is a brief description of my round into history.
Hole 1 Sky the tee shot, shank the second into the trees ( with a 3 wood - fucking tricky shot that one -try it ), pitch out as it's not just in the trees but behind a stump, knife the next chip thro the green and then 2 solid putts.
Walking to the second tee I feel as tho I've played 15 holes already !!
Hole 3 Two balls out of bounds. They were 200 yards apart with one going way East and one way West.
This was the first of 4 holes that I never even went to putt on the green !!!
After 4 holes 1 point
After 9 holes 7 points
4 blobs on front 9
On the 9th and 10th I had plenty of time to kill sitting in the sun on the next tee waiting for my playing partners to putt out on the holes as I had lost 4 balls on those 2 holes alone !!!!!
After 10 holes I was
down 6 balls and found myself now playing with a "Titless" Velocity ?? that had been brutally abused by it's previous owner who was called Scooby. Who the fuck writes Scooby on his ball.
Scooby's ball didn't remain in my possession for very long and I doubt if anyone will ever find it as it was blasted into the farmers field.
In the remaining 8 holes I had 2 more blobs but somehow managed to score another 15 points in just 6 holes.
On the last I had only 90 yards to the green after my tee shot and I still managed to get a blob.
TOTAL LOST BALLS REQUIRED TO WIN THE SPOON 9 - all tatties I must add.
So there it is guys - play like a fanny and you to can win the SPOON.
It's easy to do as I found out on Sunday.
My apologies to Del, Sinky and my unfortunate partner Foxy who had to witness the above hacking,slashing and chopping around the Fife countryside.
I won't be at Falkirk in 2 weeks time so one things for sure - someone else will be skulking, slinking down the road with OOR SPOON.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL !!!
