DATES FOR WINTER TOUR 2013/14

GOLF DATES 2014/15

WINTER TOUR DATES

ALL DATES AND COURSES ARE PROVISIONAL

September 21st Elmwood GC- Summer Championship

October 12th Drumoig GC booked for 20
October 26th Falkirk Tryst booked for 24 CANCELLED -Rain
November 9th Kittocks booked for 23
November 30th Whitekirk GC
December 14th Torrance (Xmas outining) Dunvegan Hotel for dinner afterwards. booked for 24
January 25th Falkirk Tryst booked for 24 CANCELLED-RAIN
February 8th Scotscraig G C CANCELLED- FROST
February 22nd Falkirk booked for 24 CANCELLED - RAIN
March 15th Scotscraig booked for 20
March 29th Ladybank GC booked for 20 -






Monday 26 September 2011

SOUTHERNESS MATCH




Sunday 25th

Southerness Golf Club

Scott Kennedy had organised a match against the Dumfries boys and the team going down include some of the Hackers.

The weather was pretty horrendous with strong winds coming of the sea and cutting across most golf holes at some point. The rain started to batter down after about 8 holes and lasted till the 16th before easing.

Nevertheless it was a great day and the course was in fantastic condition especially the greens.

The matches were all very tight and each went to the 17th and beyond.

First game was Scott and Stevie Paul and they won 2-1

Second game was Gordon and myself and we lost 1 down

Third game was Paul James and Kenny Lang and they lost 1 down

Fourth game was Derek Chalmers and Gordon Fitzpatrick who won 2-1

So the match finished 2-2.

Yesterday Gordon Fitzpatrick returned to golf after a 7 year absence and along with Derek saved the day by winning the last match. He certainly picked a tough course to come back on but he only found out just how tough it was while driving down with us and was informed that it is one of the toughest in Britain.

What all Hackers need to remember is that when we played last February that the weather was almost benign and we got it as good as it gets weather wise.

Yesterday we played in the brutish conditions and possibly 28-30 points would have won easily if it had been a Hackers event.

Thanks to Scott for organising the match and to the members at Southerness who welcomed us and gave us such a good match.

CHALMERS HAS NO BALLS

I feel I have to reply to my partners text message relayed to numerous Hackers late last night that I have no Balls !!

Standing on the first tee with gales blowing across the course I realised I had only 6 balls in the bag and told him don't think thats enough for me today.

Off we set and my golf started great and after 8 holes was only 1 over par and 3 up in our match. Also still got 6 balls.

Standing on the 12th tee I was down to 1 ball !!!

5 gone in 3 holes and the rain now lashing down along with my knee getting worse with each swing it didn't look good.

Yet I was still hitting the same ball down the last when I carved my second shot deep into the heather and stood there with 14 clubs and no balls left to finish.

I said walking off that "I am glad there is no more holes as I have no balls left"

Hence my partners infantile texts about having nae balls left.

TO THINK HE WAS 50 LAST WEEK !!

EASY MONEY


MRS DOUBTFIRE AND BIN LADEN

Yet again Kenny walks off with the cash from their wee side bet.

Paul doesn't want his photo taken with the Donkey anymore as it is making him look overweight next to the white Kenyan athlete that we all know Klang is.

Sunday 25 September 2011

Wee Snippets

Tales from the last few weeks

The NR'S continue to pile up for Billy Gibson.

We have now had wee Bilbo go walk about the last 2 weekends. Last week he wandered off the course at the 7th.

This weekend he couldn't be bothered climbing the Alma and headed back to the club house after 4 holes nearly beating his 2011 record set at the Balmore Open of just 3 holes.

There was a suggestion from his big so called mate Vera that walk ins count as 2 NR'S.

Myself and Speedy Gonzalez were at Sinky's annual 36 hole SOGS outing at Ladybank a few weeks ago and on the first tee we threw the balls up. The result - me and Smarty against the Sinky and his mate Craig both 5 handicappers. To say that my golf and Alex's golf has been poor recently is a understatement and I thought a good pumping was on the cards.

It was but not what you all are thinking.

Skippy and McFlurry humped the low boys 5-4. We both had 35 points and Alex won the visitors prize on countback.

The same partnership got beat on Friday by Craig Chalmers and Paul James. Well it was actually Craig that beat us Paul just came out for a walk and to verbally abuse us enough to ruin our game.

We were 2 up at the turn but some solid golf by Craig at 12'13'14 and then Paul appeared in the game and got them in the front at 15 and they won 2-1.

As you can imagine Vera was reminding us of the score etc etc etc all the way home.

Reports from the course yesterday had John Carslaw and partner 4 down during their 4 ball final. I had seen them on 16 and it was back to 1 but I think they lost 16 to go back to 2 and unconfirmed reports said they lost.

Craig played for the Dunbartonshire Boys Team all season and they completed there match's this season unbeaten and won the West of Scotland Championship for the first time in many years. The final match against Ayrshire was at Lenzie 2 weeks ago and they needed a half match which they achieved and Craig won his match 6-5.

Scott Kennedy has organised a small group of Hackers - 8 players to go to Southerness today (Sunday) for a challenge match against a team from there.

Will post results later in the week.

ONLY 2 WEEKS TO FIRST ROUND OF THIS YEARS WINTER TOUR.

Saturday 17 September 2011

TOTTEN CONTINUES PUMPING

2 MORE HACKERS GET A ROASTING FROM TOTTEN AND HIS OTHER PARTNER ROCKY CULLEN


Friday night 6pm just lifting my dinner. Mobile starts ringing -Rotten Totten flashes up on the screen. I decide to leave it and phone him back later.

Danny decided to leave a message on my phone and it went something like this.

"It's a cold wet dreich night here at Lenzie Golf Club and the members are wet and miserable".

"They are no as miserable and pissed off looking as Skitty Kennedy and Ma Card Paul were the sunny evening the night before".

"I am phoning in give you a exclusive for the Hackers Site and I request the headline to be :

CLUB 2 BALL CHAMPION CONTINUES TO PUMP MORE MEMBERS OF THE HACKERS WITH A NEW PARTNER.

Yes gents the pumping continues with Skitty and Ma Card getting a gubbing just like me and Sinky got at the weekend.

A good old 5-4 defeat from the Cullen and Totten partnership.

I was told that Stevie boy was heard mention these words at the turn as they were a few down at that point.

"Right that's all the mickey moose holes out the way we will see how you two cope on the big long holes now."

"Let the big hitters through and get this game over with"

"First 9 holes are a fucking pitch and putt course the next 9 will show who the real golfers are".

Don't think the big hitters got hitting or maybe it was just hitting it further into the trees as the game was all over at 14 and the big hitters never got a chance to hit their big shots on 15 or 16.

I haven't managed to contact Scott or Stevie "300yards Big Bertha" Paul yet to get their side of the story - just where did it all went wrong for this strong pairing.

Who was hacking was it each of them or was it just one ? I was told that Stevie was heard shouting at his partner that he was shite ??

Danny and Jim have both been leaving messages on my phone and I was cornered last night by Rocky in the bar ."Where is ma post about pumping Stevie and Skitty ?

"Danny told me he would get it on the site on Thursday as he was letting you know walking down the 18th before we got off the course"

Well I only got the info on Friday so here it is for all to see 24 hours later - just in time for Sinky's 50th birthday party tonight.

Totten and Cullen were desperate to get this posted as Jim says "I only get on the web site for playing shite or having a NR up the 1st".

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY TO GORDON FROM ALL THE HACKERS



Friday 16 September 2011

TOUR NUMBERS


Winter 2011/12

The first 4 dates are now full. Names to follow soon.

Crail 32 players

Leven 28 players

Lundin 32 players

Scotscraig 32 players

Bookings still to be confirmed by Clubs.

Monday 12 September 2011

2 BALL CHAMPIONS



2011 2 BALL CHAMPIONS DANNY TOTTEN AND JOHN CARSLAW


LENZIE GOLF CLUB

2 BALL CHAMPIONSHIP

John Carslaw and Danny Totten became this years 2 Ball Winners with a 5-4 win over myself and Gordon.

They stormed into a 3 hole lead after 3 and even tho we won the next 2 holes to get back to 1 we never really put them under anymore pressure and we reached the turn 4 down. From then on it was always tough with the Champs using their shots and finishing the match off early.

The boys were in great form with John continuing his good form and hardly hitting a bad shot all day. In fact only 2 - a duffed chip on the 4th from the heavy rough on the left and OB on the 5th.

Even the shocking conditions that we had to play in never stopped the gruesome twosome from pumping myself and Sinky.

Coming off the 12th I still thought we had a chance then out the trees appeared Bin Laden Lang with a rucksack full of Buds. "Yes provisions" shouted John and they each grabbed a bottle. I knew then the bastards were refuelled and off they went storming down the 13th guzzling away happily.

Neither Gordon or myself played as well as we have in previous rounds and my game especially was very poor but to get a result against this pairing we would have had to played very good and that never happened on Sunday so Rotten Totten and Zorro were worthy Champs.

Congratulations Boys.

If I was a betting man I now know who to put money on for this years Winter Tour !!!

Tuesday 6 September 2011

WINTER TOUR BOOKINGS UPDATE


CONFIRMED BOOKINGS

9th October Crail Golf Links 32 booked - FULL

£35 golf only

6th November Leven Links 28 booked

£25 incl 2 course meal

20th November LundinLinks 28 booked

£25 golf only

4th December Scotscraig 28 booked

£30 incl soup and sandwiches

Total for first 4 rounds £115

No matts on any of the courses.

Courses after the New Year to be confirmed.

18th December Lenzie

Xmas Bash followed by

Xmas Dinner and Prize giving afterwards

Monday 5 September 2011

A HACKERS FINAL


LENZIE 2 BALL CHAMPIONSHIP


JOHN CARSLAW AND DANNY TOTTEN


V


GORDON SINCLAIR AND ROBERT CHALMERS




This Sunday is Finals Day with all the Club Knock Out Competitions coming to a conclusion.

In the 2 Ball we have a Hackers Final with the above players competing for first place.

Unfortunately Tommy Nicholson and his partner Mick Drummond lost in their semi final 4 ball tie and so did Billy Gibson and Stevie McPherson in the same competition.

Congratulations to John Carslaw who has also made the 4 ball final with his partner Ian Muir.

We have no representative in the Singles Championship as our last Great White Hope Stevie Paul got pumped in his semi final last week and everyone else got pumped months ago.

Sunday 4 September 2011

DON'T HIDE THE SEMI RESULT


OUT THERE FOR ALL TO SEE

I have received a few text messages from some Hackers wanting to know why Stevie's result in the semi final hadn't warranted it's own separate post.

They felt it was to hidden away and some people might miss the score and he won't get the credit he deserves.

So just for all you cruel bastards out there he is Stevie's wee post again on it's own.

May I remind all you that are doing the gloating - what round did you all get to ?

Actually who cares.

Stevie got pumped and so here is the post as requested by his pals .................. ????


On Tuesday before the medal I was met by Scott Kennedy in the car park who wanted to make me aware that his good friend Stevie Paul unfortunately lost in the Semi Final of the Singles Championship the previous night to Alan Kidd.

"That was a pity as he was the last Hacker in the Singles" I replied

"Pity my arse" said Scott

"He was humped 6-5 and can we please have it on the web site for us coming off the course after the medal" was the next request from Scott.

Sorry I took so long to get this wee snippet on the site Scott it actually slipped my mind.

Stevie must have thought he had got away with this one as the week went on.

Aye right !!!

I had 3 other text messages during the week to inform me of this event so there was no chance of me missing this out. I even got a phone call this morning wanting to know when it was getting made public on the site.

I feel that it has to be pointed out that we were all pumped out of the competition long before Stevie and making the semi was a good performance.

Just a pity you played like a true Diddy in the semi.

A good Hackers performance.

Saturday 3 September 2011

RAMPANT HACKERS


SATURDAY MEDAL

CHECK OUT THESE 3 SCORES

GEORGE LEADBITTER NET 57 !!!!!!!

DAVID GRAHAM NET 59

ANDREW ALEXANDER 59

Well done to all 3 who all broke the Hackers record and General George's 57 will take some beating now at this stage of the season.

Great cuts to their handicaps with George getting down to 8 from 10. Davy Graham at last getting his down to a more realistic 14 and Andrew cut now to 11 just in time for the Winter Tour. Davids cut also sets him up nicely for our trip to Florida next month.

Other scores

Billy Gibson 67
Paul James 69
Derek Mitchell 69
John Wynn 74

Another wee tale for the Hackers

On Tuesday before the medal I was met by Scott Kennedy in the car park who wanted to make me aware that his good friend Stevie Paul unfortunately lost in the Semi Final of the Singles Championship the previous night to Alan Kidd.

"That was a pity as he was the last Hacker in the Singles" I replied

"Pity my arse" said Scott

"He was humped 6-5 and can we please have it on the web site for us coming off the course after the medal" was the next request from Scott.

Sorry I took so long to get this wee snippet on the site Scott it actually slipped my mind.

Stevie must have thought he had got away with this one as the week went on.

Aye right !!!

I had 3 other text messages during the week to inform me of this event so there was no chance of me missing this out. I even got a phone call this morning wanting to know when it was getting made public on the site.

I feel that it has to be pointed out that we were all pumped out of the competition long before Stevie and making the semi was a good performance.

Just a pity you played like a true Diddy in the semi.

A good Hackers performance.




TUESDAY NIGHT TALES

WEE JOKE FOR SKITTY - SORRY SCOTTY THE 4 HANDICAPPER WHO HAD 40 PUTTS.




JAMIE TELLING HAZEL HOW HE PLAYED IN THE MEDAL.



TUESDAY MEDAL

Just some scores to report on from Tuesday.

Terrible pin positions combined with usual fuck ups by most Hackers at some stage of their round made scoring very tough and highly unlikely.

Kenny Lang, Stevie Paul, Scott Kennedy,Paul James, Billy Gibson, myself , Jamie Carroll ,Kevin McKinney and John Curran all went out within 15 mins of each other which resulted in much hilarity and slagging around the course at various stages.

Especially when Stevie, Kenny and Scott all stopped to watch Paul rack up a 9 on the 10th after only being 1 over for 9 holes. I myself had a horrendous 8 at the 3rd which was witnessed and cheered on by the first group as I smacked my ball out the bunker and over the fence with great ease. That was followed by a 5 at the 4th on the green from hell that we all know so well. Some how I managed to get into the buffer with 34 points and never went up.

Scott Kennedy shot a Scratch 69 with 40 putts !!

Stevie Paul shot 65 with a 8 at the 13th.

Jamie Carroll has a 9 at the 13th for a net 81 - Gross 96 just keeping below the big 100

Paul James was 1 over par at the turn shooting 33.

Paul James was 13 over par for the inward half shooting 47

I was 7 over par after 4 holes and made buffer.

Scores

Stevie Paul 65
Scott Kennedy 65
John Wynn 68
Davy Chalmers 68
Robert Chalmers 69
Kevin McKinney 69
Paul James 69
Craig Chalmers 70
Billy Gibson 70
Kenny Lang 70
Jamie Carroll 81


ANOTHER WIN


Craig completed a very successful month by adding the Kirkintilloch Shield and £200 to his collection of winnings.

Horrendous conditions made scoring impossible especially in the morning round and the CSS was 69 up 3 making it a reduction only round.

The afternoon it was slightly better and in the end Craig won by 2 shots from Danny Muir the Hayston Junior Club Champ. So the youngsters both performed well and took away the vouchers for £200 and £150 each.

Craig's win at the Cawder Club Champs , The Earlsfeary Gold Medal , Third place in the Glasgow Gents Amateur Champs and now the Shield means I have no option but to give him another golfer of the month for August. He also won a total of £630 during the month of August.

I would have gave it to another Hacker but none of us have been performing well and hitting low scores. We just keep on hacking it around and having the usual crap scores in true Hacking tradition.

Hopefully this will change in the last month of the season before the Tour begins.