DATES FOR WINTER TOUR 2013/14

GOLF DATES 2014/15

WINTER TOUR DATES

ALL DATES AND COURSES ARE PROVISIONAL

September 21st Elmwood GC- Summer Championship

October 12th Drumoig GC booked for 20
October 26th Falkirk Tryst booked for 24 CANCELLED -Rain
November 9th Kittocks booked for 23
November 30th Whitekirk GC
December 14th Torrance (Xmas outining) Dunvegan Hotel for dinner afterwards. booked for 24
January 25th Falkirk Tryst booked for 24 CANCELLED-RAIN
February 8th Scotscraig G C CANCELLED- FROST
February 22nd Falkirk booked for 24 CANCELLED - RAIN
March 15th Scotscraig booked for 20
March 29th Ladybank GC booked for 20 -






Thursday 29 December 2011

BEST POST AWARD 2011





There could only be one winner.

Yes gents Hutch and his visit to the doctor.

At our Grand Final this year Hutch walked away with the Spoon and telling us all his putting was what let him down. The below story tells what happened afterwards.

This is a true story !!!!!

For all who missed this post here it is again.

DOCTOR  DOCTOR I NEED HELP !!

The real reason for Hutchy winning the Spoon.


I have resisted posting this news until I had it confirmed by the player himself as it is unbelievable and I thought Mr Sinclair was taking the piss.

We all know the wee Drain Cleaner as he is now known in the Tour had the pleasure of winning the Spoon at our final winter Tour event. He has flirted very close on several occasions this season to winning this much desired award. None more so than at Southerness where he avoided it on count back and saved himself a long walk from Dumfries as he had told us to shove the spoon up our rear ends.

So at Ladybank he finally got his hands on the Spoon.

"I hit the ball great but I couldn't putt,"

" I kept missing the hole by 2 inches at each hole."

The above statements are from Winston (his substitute nick name) after he finished.

Obviously he was not a happy chappy at getting this award. The following day after long discussions with his beloved wife Jennifer he decided to visit the doctor.

"I'm telling you Jennifer there is something wrong with me I am a great putter and I putted like a total fanny at Ladybank."

"I think I will go and see the doctor and get him to check me out"

So off he goes on Monday morning to see the doctor about his bad putting !!!!!

I must emphasise that this is not bull shit and the best is yet to come.

On telling the doctor of his putting woes and winning the spoon the doctor said" Ian I want to do a quick test"

The doctor then produces a fucking putter and ball from behind his desk and asks Winston to putt to a mark on the carpet. After a few putts he asks him to sit down.

Gents this is a doctors surgery remember not the fucking World of Golf or the driving range!!!

He then proceeded to have a look at Winston's ears and uttered the words

"I KNOW WHY YOU PUTTED BADLY YOU HAVE A EAR INFECTION CAUSING YOU TO PUTT 2 INCHES OFF LINE DUE TO A IN BALANCE BETWEEN YOUR EARS."

I repeat myself again Gents this is in the doctors surgery where the doctor keeps putters and Pro V's behind his desk for zoomers who can't putt!!!!

Hutch went to see the doctor because he won the spoon.

You could not make it up.

So now Gents now you know why Hutch won the spoon - a ear infection was causing him to miss the hole with his putts. What was he wanting extra points for having wax in his ears ????

As far as we are all concerned you won the spoon because you played rubbish just like every other winner of the spoon during the season.

Anyway Hutchy your infection must be better as you played very well a few weeks ago to finish second in the County Spring Meeting. So well done to the Wee Drain Cleaner.

If your ears stay uninfected you might get rid of the spoon at Auchterader in July.

BEST PICTURE AND DIDDY OF THE YEAR

HACKERS AWARDS FOR 2011


Looking back over the year there has been some 249 articles posted on the web site. I could look back and give awards for player of the year, golf shot of the year,most consistant golfer,most improved and all the usual awards that are given out at this time of the year.

That would be to boring.

So let's look at some others to present.

Best picture of the year

From Ladybank in March we had the Spoon looking round the corner at Hutch who was hiding in the lounge not wanting to take the spoon home.

Diddy of the year


In  April this year 20 of us went over to Balmore to play in their Open. We were told to put our scores in the computer when we finished as it was set up for all players. You just had type in your initials and up came your name.
That's to simple for some people and we had a Hacker standing in Balmore Club swiping away in frustration with his Lenzie Golf card trying to enter his score.

Diddy of the year 2011 - Stevie "Ma Card "Paul.

Below is the original post

THE BALMORE DIDDY

Gentlemen I was going to keep this post for another day but I have had Danny Totten emailing , texting and now phoning me wanting me to tell all about Stevie "ma card doesn't work on the computer" Paul. So here we go the story of the Balmore Diddy.

For the benefit of all who were not there on Saturday I will explain the procedure for entering your score at BALMORE GOLF CLUB GENTS OPEN. On completing your round you were instructed to go to their computer which was the same as ours then go to the index and find your name as all entrants were on the file. Then you entered your score at BALMORE GOLF CLUB - simple.

Well it's simple for most people but we Hackers have some crackers and boy did this hacker let the side down.

While most of us were sitting having a drink and eating in comes Stevie and walks up to me to and makes a big mistake by waving his LENZIE GOLF CLUB card in my direction. He then utters the now famous "MA CARD DOESN'T WORK WHAT WILL I DO" ??

"Your at fucking Balmore of course your Lenzie card won't work on their computer" I said to him. He quickly realised what a tit he had made of himself and tried to retract his words but to late Danny Balaclava had over heard this and well that was that.

I just hope for everyones sake that no members from any other clubs were waiting to put their scores in as our trumpet head was swiping his LENZIE GC card up and down the BALMORE GC machine trying to get his name to appear. What a boy !!!!

So Stevie it makes a change for the diddy award to be for something other than playing shite at golf. It was a good laugh as you set yourself up for a wee diddy post on the web site.

I did ask for Stevie to pose yesterday at Hayston with his membership card but he refused to cooperate.

So there you go Danny I hope that this wee post keeps you happy.

I almost forgot Danny wanted me to mention that he got a 2 at Balmore - the only one amongst us. He contacted me tonight to ask how much he got for his 2. I said "contact Balmore what do you think I am your personal secretary".

At Balmore there was 20 of us playing 6 par 3s which is 120 attempts and only 1 got a 2.

Sorry I got that wrong Billy never played 5 of his par 3s as he wandered off to Lenzie after getting a 4 at the first one.

SOON TO FOLLOW BEST POST OF THE YEAR



PLAY IT AS IT LIES


CAN I HAVE MY BALL BACK ?





Craig and me were playing 2 days ago and the above picture shows Craig's ball sitting 6 feet from a large gator sunning him self at the side of a lake. It was a par 3 about 180 yards and as he hit his shot it missed the green and kicked down towards the water.
When we got up there it was clear that Craig's ball wasn't the only one sitting next to the gator. You can see 2 balls sitting close to it.
I offered all sorts of rewards to him if he went down to play it as it lay. He never even ventured down to get a closer look at the sun bathing gator.

Wednesday 28 December 2011

NEW CLUBS FOR SHANKER ???

SHANKLESS HYBIRDS
FOR
TOMMY NICHOLSON





This is a advert from a magazine we get in the States. They are now making shankless hybirds could a set of these be the answer to Shankers woes. Let me know Tommy if you want a full set - 52-60 degrees available.


FINAL PHOTO'S FROM WHITEKIRK

 WHITEKIRK WINNER JOHN CUMMING 37POINTS
2ND PLACE IN THE SWEEP PAUL JAMES
 PAIRS WINNERS JOHN AND DAVY WITH 68 POINTS
 TRIPLE SPOON WINNER "MAD DOG" CARROLL
 SOME OF THE SPOONIES AT THEIR TOP TABLE
 SPOON TABLE 2011
PRESENTATION OF AWARDS FROM JIM TO SOME OF THE SPOONIES

 WINNER OF THE NEAREST TO THE PIN JIM CULLEN



THESE 2 SMILING HACKERS ARE CURRENTLY IN THE "DONKEY 4 BALL" AS SCORES SIT AFTER 5 ROUNDS




Friday 23 December 2011

"I'LL HUMP YOU"





GERALDO HUMPS
WEE BROTHER
JIM


On the first tee Jim announced to brother Gerry "I am going to hump you today ". Oor Rocky ended up with only 17 points so he was the one who got pumped humped and dumped. Gerry was smiling as he accepted his winnings.

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS



BIN LADEN IN DISGUISE KENNY LANG



 KING OF THE BALDY'S AND THE SPOONIES - JAMIE CARROLL
 SHOW ME THE MONEY - DANNY TOTTEN
 A OLD AND PISHED LOOKING HARRY POTTER - JOHN CARSLAW

 NEVER HAD A ELEPHANT BETWEEN MA LEGS BEFORE- STEVIE PAUL


CHRISTMAS SPOON BOY

WHITEKIRK
SPOON WINNER
DAVID
"YORKIE"
STIRLING
DRIVES AWAY WITH THE SPOON

 David receiving his Spoon from the King of Spoonies Jamie Carroll


"Welcome to my gang David" said Jamie.

David joined Jamie's large gang of Spoon winners last weekend and he was presented the Spoon by  the King Spooner himself.

David's 13 points won this prize comfortably and his travelling partner John Cumming nearly had 3 times the number of points David managed to gain.

Thats the Spoon won David now it's time to win an event as that seems the norm. Win a Spoon and progress to greater things.

That is unless you decide to take Jamie's crown from him in the next few months.



Monday 19 December 2011

LOOKS LIKE A SCORCHING DAY


WHITEKIRK 
2011
                           
 It might look like a cracking summers day but it was about 4 below with the wind chill factor.













HACKERS SCORES AFTER 5 ROUNDS


EACH PLAYERS BEST 3 SCORES AFTER 5 ROUNDS

There is now 30 players with 3 rounds completed.

G Sinclair      106
G Dickie        105
I Baird            104
B Gibson        104
N Keir            104
J Wynn           104
B Murphy       104
I Fox               102
S Paul             101
P James           100
A Alexander   100
A Smart            99
J Wylie             99
R Chalmers      97
S Kennedy       97
J Carslaw         97
M Drummond  96
S Jessney         95
K Lang            92
G Cullen          92
T Nicholson     91
D Mitchell        90
D Graham        89
J Cullen           89
S Gibson         88
G Leadbitter    87
D Stirling         86
C Chalmers      84
J Sommerville  82
R Aitken          79

Not many changes to the leader board. John Wynn moves up a few places with his 33 points at the weekend by dropping a 31 point round. Moving into the 10 is Brian Murphy who has now completed 3 rounds and has 75 points from 2 of them. Paul James dumped a 31 pointer and replaces it with his 34 yesterday which moves him into the 100 points.

At the other end we see Richard Aitken our official Montrose Spoon winner propping up the table now that he has 3 rounds completed. Johnny "Wishbone" gained a precious 2 points to now sit on 82. Craig's bad day at Whitekirk has him sitting in the donkey 4 ball game at this moment. The other member of that 4 ball is Spoon Winner yesterday David Stirling.

Things can change very quickly now and the next couple of rounds become very important as everyone now starts to drop off their poorest rounds and gain a few more points.

8 PLAYERS WITH 5 ROUNDS IN ALREADY

N Keir          163
P James        159
B Gibson      156
A Smart        150
S Jessney      147
S Kennedy    145
G Leadbitter  141
S Gibson       129

Last years Tour Champion is setting the pace up front with 163 points. The winning total should be 180-185 depending on how many rounds we play.


WHITEKIRK RESULTS

A REAL WINTERS TOUR EVENT
SUNDAY 18TH 
WHITEKIRK














WINTER TOUR RD 5
WHITEKIRK

Yesterday was our 5th round of the winter and somehow we managed to get a game near North Berwick at Whitekirk Golf Club.

The course surface was very hard in places and made scoring very tough for most with the greens just about impossible to hold. That aside, the course was in fantastic shape and everyone seemed to enjoy a great layout. There were lots of calls for a visit to be arranged back there next summer.

The scores were mostly poor and not many will be using that round as one of their best five. We only had 8 players getting 30 points or more.

One person who won't be using his round is David "Yorkie "Stirling who drove himself into the Hackers record books by setting a new record for worst points total in a Tour event. His grand total was 13 points, beating Craig's 14 set at Dundonald in 2008. Both these scores were on frozen ground and Geraldo's 16 points at Scotscraig last year remains the Tour record in normal conditions.

It really was a day for grinding out enough points to stay out of the Spoon's way and every point was hard to get with most of it down to luck. It was all about how far the balls bounced on the green and getting up and down was extremely difficult all the time.

So, we know who won  the Spoon. How did the rest of the scores go?

In first place with a very impressive 37 points was John Cumming who was also a Spoon winner last year . Once again, we have a player winning both awards. John's score was 2 shots ahead of Brian Murphy and 3 ahead of Paul "Vera" James who finished with 34, beating Gary Davner on count back.

We have made a mistake with the sweep prizegiving, as Brian should have had 2 points off his score because he has already won a round this season. That was what we did last year to spread the money around more amongst everyone and it worked well. So Brian, you owe Vera £10.00 for the sweep as you only got 33 points. Everyone still gets their full handicap score from the course recorded, it's only for the sweep you are cut. Gary Davner also would have got 3rd place but I dont think Gary will be about as he is off back to Singapore soon, so you might manage to hang onto the 3rd place at this moment.

Nearest the pins were Ian Baird and Jim Cullen who both did very well just to stop the ball on the greens.

I am told that Ian used a rake to stop his ball and Jim just putted his ball from the tee to the green with one big might swipe along the ground. That is what his big brother Geraldo told me.

In the pairs event we had  Davy"Vaginer" Graham and John Cumming winning comfortably with 31 /37 points between them for a total of 68.

So that's 5 rounds in this winter and the leader board has got even tighter with 11 players having between 100 and 106 points !!

Full Leaderboard will be posted soon.

Scores from Whitekirk


J Cumming      37
B Murphy        35
P James            34
G Davner         34
J Wynn             33
D Graham        31
M Drummond  31
G Dickie          31
S Paul              30
I Fox                29
J O Prey           29
G Leadbitter     28
J Hamilton        28
G Cullen           27
G Sinclair         27
R Aitken          27
N Keir              27
S Kennedy       26
R Chalmers      26
I Baird              26
D Mitchell        25
J Sommerville   25
B Gibson          25
A Smart            25
S Jessney          24
J Nicholson      24
A Alexander    23
T Nicholson     20
C Chalmers      18
J Cullen            17
S Gibson           16
D Stirling          13

More course photos, leaderboard details, the dinner presentation of awards and pool pictures to follow soon.

ALSO WE WILL HAVE THE "LOLLYPOP MAN" PICTURE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE AGAIN OR IF YOU MISSED THE DINNER YOU CAN SEE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME SOON.



LOST BALLS


SMALL BALLS FROM THE PAST.

The other day while down taking photos on the 4th at Lenzie I found a couple of balls just uncovered by the ground being scraped.

They were a Uniroyal  Eagle and a Penfold Ace.

The first thing you notice is just how small the older balls were especially the eagle. The Eagle was from the 60's and the Ace the 70's.




Saturday 17 December 2011

WHITEKIRK TOMORROW


PHONED WHITEKIRK AT 11.00AM TODAY AND FULL COURSE IS ON .

SLIGHT FROST THIS MORNING BUT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

DETAILS FOR TOMORROW


Mar Hall is definitely a no go this weekend due to frost and snow.

Having phoned lots of courses I have managed to get us out at Whitekirk Golf Club just before North Berwick.

Its about 1 hour 20 mins away.

The only way they could fit us in is getting us out on the 10th at 9am. They are full till 11.00am off the first tee.

That means leaving Lenzie at 7.15 at the latest.

The general conscientious is that most Hackers want a game before dinner so that's why we are going to head over to Whitekirk

We have 31 names at this moment and 39 for dinner afterwards.

So the plan is to do the draw at 8.45am !!!! sorry.

There is food available - hot rolls and coffee before.

I am getting a deal and the golf is only £15.00 each.

First tee time is 9.00am approx.

We should all be out by 10.10am.

Play golf and leave immediately for Lenzie to meet all the ones who can't get up early to go and play golf.

Dinner will now be 4.30pm at Lenzie.

There is no snow in the East and full course is on hopefully it stays that way

I will phone them tomorrow to see how things are.

It's also not to be as cold at the coast.

Sorry about Mar Hall but maybe we can look at it for our summer round.


Players entered for Whitekirk


1 robert chalmers
2 gordon sinclair
3 craig chalmers
4 john cummings
5 scott kennedy
6 ian fox
7 alex smart
8 gerry cullen
9 simon jessney
10 stevie paul
11 neil keir
12 billy gibson
13 mick drummond
14 stephen gibson
15 graham dickie
16 george leadbitter
17 andrew alexander
18 john wynn
19 derek mitchell
20 jim cullen
21 ian baird
22 john hamilton
23 davy graham
24 johnny somerville
25 richard aitken
26 davy stirling
27 gary davner
28 jamie oprey
29 tommy nicholson
30 j nicholson
31 Paul James
32 Brian Murphy


Players for dinner only
J Carroll
D Totten
K McKinney
K Lang
J Stirling
J Carslaw X2
I McLaren


Total for dinner and presentation is 39.


Will get a show of hands tomorrow for the menu choices.


North Berwick five-day forecast
DateTimeWeatherTempWindVisibility
DirSpeedGust
Sat
17
Dec
1200Sunny intervals2 °CNW14 mphGood
1500Sunny intervals3 °CWNW16 mphVery Good
1800Partly cloudy2 °CWNW16 mphVery Good
2100Clear Sky1 °CW14 mphVery Good
Sun
18
Dec
0000Clear Sky0 °CW16 mphGood
0300Clear Sky0 °CWNW14 mphVery Good
0600Clear Sky1 °CW15 mphGood
0900Sunny0 °CWSW14 mphModerate
1200Sunny2 °CWSW15 mphModerate
1500Sunny2 °CW16 mphModerate
1800Clear Sky1 °CWSW13 mphModerate
NightPartly cloudy-1 °CSW10 mphModerate
Mon
19
Dec
DayLight Rain3 °CS9 mphModerate
NightPartly cloudy3 °CW26 mph38 mphVery Good
Tue
20
Dec
DayMedium-level cloud4 °CW16 mphVery Good
NightMedium-level cloud2 °CSW10 mphModerate
Wed
21
Dec
DayLight Rain7 °CSSW12 mphModerate
NightLight Rain6 °CWSW19 mph33 mphModerate
Last updated: 1101 on Sat 17 Dec 2011