DATES FOR WINTER TOUR 2013/14

GOLF DATES 2014/15

WINTER TOUR DATES

ALL DATES AND COURSES ARE PROVISIONAL

September 21st Elmwood GC- Summer Championship

October 12th Drumoig GC booked for 20
October 26th Falkirk Tryst booked for 24 CANCELLED -Rain
November 9th Kittocks booked for 23
November 30th Whitekirk GC
December 14th Torrance (Xmas outining) Dunvegan Hotel for dinner afterwards. booked for 24
January 25th Falkirk Tryst booked for 24 CANCELLED-RAIN
February 8th Scotscraig G C CANCELLED- FROST
February 22nd Falkirk booked for 24 CANCELLED - RAIN
March 15th Scotscraig booked for 20
March 29th Ladybank GC booked for 20 -






Sunday 28 August 2011

I WEEL KILL YOU


BIN LADEN BLOWS EVERYONE AWAY

KLANGS DONKEY SKIN IS FINALY SHED AS THE NEW WINTER TOUR APPROACHES.

I'M NO FULL HEE HAW ANYMORE.

MEMBERS DAY CHAMPION OR AT LEAST PART OF A 4 MAN TEAM.

SCORED A NET 43 ??

FULL DETAILS TO FOLLOW IF KENNY SUPPLIES THEM.

Saturday 27 August 2011

IRISH GOLF

WEE VIDEO

We could do this with our water feature at Lenzie.

Anyone got a Gong , a boat and hundreds of balls ????

BILBO WANADERS OFF YET AGAIN



Garnkirk Trophy
Crowwod

Below is 2 emails I received tonight about our wee Hobbit Bilbo Gibson. He NR'S and walks off after 6 holes and finds himself with another NR to his name.

The first email is from the Mexicano Neil Keir

Bilbo nr at 7 th at Crowood comp only 6 over probably because he wasn't playing with his smurf partner showsya

This one is from the other half of the Crowwood Mafia Ian Baird

Hi Robert just a quick one, Bilbo lost his ring at crowwoods Garnkirk
open day,N/R plus a walk of at the seventh not a happy hobbit . was
only 6 over to ?......excuse greens to slow...

Friday 26 August 2011

NEAREST THE PIN - SO F....G WHAT !!!!!




DEL GETTING PISSED OF AT THE SLAGGING




NEAREST THE PIN AND LONGEST DRIVE

SPONSORS DAY
LENZIE GOLF CLUB

Today Davy Graham kindly asked me to play in his team at the annual sponsors team. Davy decided it was time for a change and dropped one of his team members from previous years Vera James.
The Big Man was not a happy bunny and all this week has been telling everyone what a w....r big DG is. So he put out some SOS signals to other sponsors and made himself available to all and sundry in order to get a game.
All turned out fine and he got a space in one of Yorkie Stirling's teams and even went on to win a prize in second place.

This post is not about VJ but one of my teammates Derick "Del Boy" Mitchell who played some excellent golf today and with 2- 2s including a net 1 was hitting his irons nice and sweet.

Unfortunately the old saying "putt for money" came and sorted him out on the 17th.

A great tee shot once again not only resulted in being very close to the pin but he was closest all day and won the prize that included all categories at that hole.

Walking up to the green he was whistling yankee doodle dandy looking very chuffed with himself at having another great chance at a 2 net 1. "That was a good shot" he was saying as he marched confidently to the green.
We were in for a 3 giving Del a clear run for his 2 with just 8 feet to putt.

Lining things up talking to his putter and whispering sweet noises to it he swiped at the ball - not fucking hard enough and the ball dribbled of line and down the hill leaving him a wee 2 foot uphill tap in.

He proceeded to tap the bloody ball straight right and miss for a 4 net 3 !!

NEAREST THE PIN ALL DAY AND GOT A 4 !!!!

We lost 3rd place by 1 shot and Derek got a lot of stick from all even members who weren't even playing. Word spread far and some Lenzie members playing out at Cawder even heard out there that some numpty had got nearest the pin and never parred the hole.

In his defence he played really well and that was a unfortunate blip on a good round which also got him longest drive at 16th.

Nevertheless he had to get a mention for getting a prize for nearest the pin and not even parring the hole.

Still Derek I would rather count on playing in a team with someone who 3 putts from 8 feet than some other numpty who 5 putts from 12 inches !!!!

Don't worry Derek it was only a hat and balls we missed out on anyway and I look forward to joining you at Greenock with your 4 ball prize.

Wednesday 24 August 2011

CROWWOOD BANDITO'S


WEE UPDATE FROM SHOW'S YA


Hi Robert just a update on the Crowwood boys last Saturdays medal the
Mexican managed to hit my buggy and his own cart in the one round
Antonio Banderas doesn't have a look in .

Well Ian thanks for the update.

The question we all have is the Mexicano slashed yet ?

This hitting bags and carts sounds a bit suspicious - possibly a means to protecting his handicap ??

Any way Bilbo Gibson has offered to become Match and Handicap slasher and says he is starting with his big pals before we all head to Crail.


CRAIL UPDATE


Just a brief note on Crail.

Booking is now confirmed and deposit paid. I will sort out payment on the day with all players.

32 players and Graham Sleight is signing 3 players on and himself for free which reduces the cost for all.

So thanks to Graham.

There is now a waiting list for the opening round of this years Tour.

LITTLE AND LARGE


The lunch boxes in the photo above belong to 2 Hackers. One is mine the other belongs to Mr Fast and Furious himself McFlurry Smart.

Who's is who's ??

No prizes for getting it correct.

Ps

It was full to the lid and don't listen to him when he says that it is his weekly supplies.

A WEE 5 PUTT FROM ......... INCHES


Tuesday Medal

I played last nights medal with one of my usual Tuesday night partners Vera James and fellow Hacker Yorkie Stirling.
The golf was going along steady with Paul out in a very respectable 2 over par and cruising along to a good score.
The words good score and Paul James don't go together and slowly his good round died a slow painful death as the back 9 unfolded. On reaching the 16th it was fully extinguished as he stood over a tap in put which was NO MORE THAN 12-15 INCHES FROM THE from the hole.

4 PUTTS LATER IT WAS 24 INCHES FROM THE HOLE !!!!!

The 5th putt finally got the ball in the hole and it was good night Vienna to that score.

Enough of Paul's round as he thinks I am picking on him to much but things like 5 putting must be reported.

Other scores

David Stirling 67
Robert Chalmers 69
Paul James 69
Jamie Carroll 69
Scott Kennedy 72
Jim Cullen 73
John Carslaw 77

Money Money Money


GLASGOW AMATEUR CHAMPIONSHIP
POLLOCK GOLF CLUB

Last Saturday Craig played in the above competition and continued his good form as picked up 3rd place and another £150 on top of the previous weekends £200.

A steady first round kept him in the hunt of the prizes and after a quick bite he was back out for the second round.

A bogey bogey start was not the start he hoped for but they were followed by 2 successive birdies and then a eagle on the 7th to go 2 under. He reached the turn 1 under before hitting a great run of 4 consecutive birdies to get to 5 under.

He was still 5 under playing 17 but unfortunately a bogey on the 17th and 18th saw him finish 3 under and finish 3rd overall.

Another good performance in a good quality field and the course was in fantastic condition with lightning greens and measuring 6500 yards from the Championship tees.

Friday 19 August 2011

NAMES FOR CRAIL





Crail is now full.

9th October 2011

32 names entered are below.

R Chalmers
C Chalmers
G Sinclair
P James
B Newall
A Smart
I Fox
D Totten
N Keir
B Gibson
J Wynn
D Graham
M Drummond
G Dickie
A Alexander
D Mitchell
K Lang
I Baird
S Paul
D Stirling
J Cumming
K McKinney
J Carslaw
J Sommerville
D Chalmers
J Cullen
S McPherson
S Kennedy
G Leadbitter
T Nicholson
J Wylie
G Sleight

Wednesday 17 August 2011

PORKY TELLS PORKIES



2 BIG SNOWMWN FOR SINKY

Last weeks Tuesday medal.

Today I received a text from a Hacker informing me that Mr Sinclair had a 8 at the 7th, a 8 at the 8th and a 7 at the 10th.

That's not what Gordon told me last week when I asked him why the NR ?

"I had a 7 down 10 and just struggled after that and gave up" - hence the NR.

There was no mention of the 2 consecutive 8'S dropping 9 shots in 2 holes.

Thanks to How Did I Do which allows Hackers to study other players scores by the hole and then pass on any major disasters for the web site it is now impossible to avoid getting caught having a nightmare on the course. There are lots of so called mates who gladly stick anyone in and laugh at them receiving a public flogging via the web site.

Talking of sticking people in I am still getting texts asking why Jim Cullen never got a mention for his NR last Tuesday night following on from his one the previous week.

So here it is. Jim had a NR again up the first this time losing 2 balls off the tee and entered a Nr while walking to his bag with his driver. So there it is Jim's problems up the first continue.

Just remember you can still get cut if you NR just keep putting in the scores for the remaining holes as Brian Newall NR'D last week and still got cut via stableford points.

Just to let you know Gordon today's informant was Mr Bilbo Baggins !!

He was not happy at getting pelters for his Nr at the weekend and after having a look at your score said you deserved it more than him.

His reason was that as well as playing shite he had to put up with Vera James and all his pish also.

Tuesday 16 August 2011

SUMMER FLOODING




THE 4TH ""GREEN"" AT LENZIE

Tonight playing the medal we were flooded out and 5 of us walked off at the 8th as the greens were unplayable with water filling the cups to the brim on some holes. By the 8th we couldn't find anywhere dry to putt and enough was enough.

The 4th was unplayable and full of water and so was the 5th.

In our 3 ball Craig was 1 over par playing 8, I was 3 over and Big Paul had already thrown in the towel. Billy and Alex just ahead also decided that the greens where unplayable at that time also.

Good old British Summer.

Craig's win at Elie





THE GENTS EARLSFERRY GOLD MEDAL

ELIE GOLF LINKS

GENTS 36 HOLES SCRATCH

On Saturday Craig , myself and the rest of the family went up for above Competition. I played in the 18 hole Silver medal and played like a donkey being 6 over after 4 and then dropping just 3 shots from the 7th to the 17th before making a mess of the last.

Craig also played in the morning round but he had also entered the Gold Medal which is scratch and the best 16/20 players from the morning go back out for another round and the 2 rounds are added together to find the winner.

It is great value with only £20.00 for the 2 rounds instead of the £70.00 a round it is for visitors. The course was immaculate and a lot the weather a lot warmer than it was when the Hackers played there in January.

This was the first time I have ever played off the medal tees and it changed the shape of quite a few holes compared to what we normally play in the winter and was a lot longer also.

While I played my usual rubbish Craig had his best ever round in gents competitive golf and was 3 under par after the first 18 holes and leading by 2 in the club house. This round had 5 birdies and a lost ball at the short second hole.

He was back out last game in the late afternoon just after 3pm and played another solid round of level par in windy conditions with another 3 birdies. He won the overall Gold Medal by 1 shot which was way above any expectations by any of us as there were a lot of good players from scratch up to +2 playing.

He was presented with £200.00 in vouchers and a replica gold medal as the original is not allowed to leave the club. He also now has his name up in the club house on the board of winners for this competition.

This win follows just 6 days after he successfully defended the Junior Club Championship at Cawder Golf Club. So a good few days for the "Wean" of the Hackers.



ROWALLAN CASTLE



The 18th finishing in front of the castle.


On Sunday Gordon , Brian , Alex and myself headed down to Rowallan Castle for a hack around the Colin Montgomery designed course. Gordon had got 4 vouchers on a recent Groupon deal and we got on for £25.00 each instead of the normal £65.00.

The course is very long and even off the front tees it was over 6200 yards.

The greens were great but very big and you could fit 3/4 of Lenzies on 1 of theirs.

There are some very long walks between tees and greens. The fairways were the only disappointment as they were soaking and some had poor growth on them.

That aside the layout was good and some great holes on it. The greens were heavily protected with huge bunkers at every hole.

Great clubhouse and very friendly staff. Just 25 mins from Bishopbriggs it was motorway all the way apart from the last 2 miles. It is located just north of Kilmarnock.

Well worth £25.00 but the fairways need to improve drastically and we were told they are doing more drainage this winter.

There was a extra hole - The 19th to finish off the round measuring 160 yards taking you back to the club house which was a we bit different. Top class facility's inside the locker rooms and beautiful lounge and bar area.

Regards the golf I am under instructions by one of the 4 ball that what happened at Rowallan stays in Rowallan.

I will say no more but only that balls lost for 1 player totalled double figures and for another somewhere in the region of 4/5.

One of them was spotted speeding out of the car park and not paying attention to the speed bumps as he raced away.

Vroom Vroom.

I will leave at that.

Monday 15 August 2011

BILBO HEADS TO BALMORE FOR GOLF


BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

BILBO GIBSON WALKS OFF AT THE 8TH HOLE YESTERDAY IN THE MEDAL BECAUSE HE WAS 8 OVER AND PLAYING WITH VERA.

NEWS WAS BROKEN EXCLUSIVELY BY VERA JAMES BUT IS YET TO BE CONFIRMED BY THE GUILTY PLAYER.

THERE ARE RUMOURS GOING ABOUT THAT HE WENT TO BALMORE TO SEE IF HE COULD FINISH THE ROUND FROM WHICH HE WALKED IN FROM LAST MAY AFTER 2 HOLES.

AGAIN NOT CONFIRMED.




SMARTY SPEEDS OFF AND LEAVES A WEE PROBLEM




GET OUT THE WAY.

We had a wee problem last week on site as you can see from the above photos.

Oor resident F1 and America's most wanted driver sometimes painter and decorator Mr Smart received a phone call from his golfing buddies at Bishopbriggs telling him they had a space in a four ball at Troon.

Well the overalls were off and so was he down the dirt track road that leads to the site. You couldn't see the rear of the car for dust as he sped off round the corner.

About 10 minutes passed and I saw a man staggering up the hill shouting about some maniac speeding down the road and caused him to swerve then slip into the ditch. Did he stop ? What do you think.

When golf is on offer to this Hacker nothing gets in his way !!

Lorry was pulled out that evening.

Wednesday 10 August 2011

FIRST ROUND OF WINTER TOUR

SUNDAY 9TH OCTOBER

First round of the Winter Tour 2011/12

There has been a few requests for Crail to be part of the Tour and since we can't get access to Rosemount I have went ahead and got tee times for the Balcomie Course.

Times are from 10.20 to 11.30.

Cost is £36.00 for golf only.

Food you can get if you require on the day.

The Balcomie Course is the 7th oldest course in the world and is a great links course designed by Old Tom Morrris.

We have not went there on the Tour before due to it being a little bit further away but it is in October so travelling should be fine. It will take about 1hr 40 mins to get there.

Great holes and blind tee shots with all the usual humps and bumps that go with links golf. It is not the longest course but if the wind blows scores will rocket.

I have 32 place but need people to confirm as I have to pay a deposit for each person. This will be the only round in October before the rounds start in November as usual with 4 up to Christmas. There have not been any other rounds booked yet.

Let me know as soon as possible if you want a place at this years opening round.










THE ABANDONED BALL


Auchterarder 2011

As you all will remember there was a wee challenge at this years outing and that was clearing the wall that we all faced on the 1st tee. Only one Hacker never cleared the wall our donkey Bin Laden Lang.

What nobody knew was that the wall is also visible from the 17th - 100 yards to the left of the fairway. So for any normal golfer it really isn't in play whatsoever but there are not many of us that are normal golfers.

Step forward Stevie "Ma Card" Paul onto the 17th tee and proceeds to smash a duck hoop miles left cracking into the wall and rebounding up the 1st fairway for 60/70 yards. This was Stevie's second ball as his first was possibly in the rough on the right hand side.

The ball was sitting nicely on the lush fairway waiting for it's owner to hit it back down the correct fairway.

It also has to be pointed out that the ball was only 50 yards from the clubhouse and a number of Hackers staring out at the course.

Stevie decided to ignore his Pro V and marched off down the 17th and left the shiny ball sitting on the wrong fairway.

He refused to go and get it when we questioned him on completion of his round and the ball was still there when we all left some 2 hours later.

His playing partners Mr Smart and Fox couldn't wait to break the news of his wall hitting exploits and the abandoned ball. This resulted in Ma Card getting a wee diddy award for hitting the wall even tho it was not on the 1st hole.

If he had not abandoned the wee ball we might have let him away with it but then it's Stevie so we probably wouldn't have.
WALL HITTER AWARD FOR STEVIE PAUL
THE WEE SHINY ABANDONED PRO V




THE WALL AND THE BALL IS ONLY 60 YARDS AWAY TO
HIS LEFT HAND SIDE BUT HE LEFT IT THERE TO AVOID THE HECKLING
FROM SPECTATING HACKERS.
ALEX AND IAN RACING BACK TO THE CLUB TO
BREAK THE NEWS OF THE ABANDONED BALL.

THE BALL IS STILL OUT ON THE COURSE WAITING FOR STEVIE TO
PICK IT UP BUT IT WAS LEFT SITTING PROUDLY ON THE FAIRWAY.

Monday 8 August 2011

DOWNFIELD RESULTS

Saturday 6th
Gents open

Results CSS 75

Ian Baird 74

Billy Gibson 75

Paul James 80

Ian Hutchinson 81

Robert Chalmers 82

John Sommerville 85

Neil Keir 92

David Stirling 94

Alex Smart NR

Davy Graham NR

George Leadbitter NR

As you can see from the scores most of us had a tough day at the office. For some reason they put us off on the Championship tees and it was far to long for us hackers. It was nearly 6900 yards with no run. The course was in great condition and is one of the best inland courses in Scotland.

Ian Baird was the most solid of us all and finished 4th in the 2nd class category. He was closely followed by Billy Gibson who went out in 45 ( 9 over ) and came back 1 under par !

Top Hackers of the day were without doubt Neil Keir and Davy Stirling who played together and between them they had 231 shots - yes that's 2-3-1 !!! Big Neil had 12 of those shots on the one hole.

They at least finished unlike Mr Smart , Graham and Leadbitter who all ended up with letters at the bottom of their cards. Alex did confess if he had not NR"D he would have been heading towards 120 shots.

Apart from the golf being rubbish for most of us a good day was had by all and brings to a end the years Open Competitions.

Saturday 6 August 2011

NR'S CONTINUE


We didn't use the NR money on Sunday at Auchterarder as it was decided to keep the league table going to the end of September and all £1.00 donations shall be used during the winter.

Current top 3 NR

Paul James 4
Kenny Lang 3
Jamie Carroll 3

There is £15.00 in the kitty now and still 2 months to go.

Friday 5 August 2011

MAD DOG WITH HAIR


Jamie 20 years ago



MAbooza with a fine top


Mr Happy with a Welshman colour




The Draincleaner smiling - for fucks sake Sinky did well to capture that on camera

CONTRASTING SWIPES



THE WALL

The wall from the 1st tho Stevie Paul had a better view from the 17th



The winning team Hammy, The Draincleaner and Sinky



The Wean and "Malcolm Campbell" getting ready to sail off into the distance




Davie hitting the first of many shots as he headed out to score just 23 points for the round



VERA trying to kill something for lunch


Craig swiping the ball down the fairway

DIDDY AWARDS


TOP DIDDY'S OF THE DAY
TOP HACKER OF THE DAY OOR DAVIE DREW.
Davie "Iron Man" Drew cruises to the SPOON TITLE - NAE BOTHER
BIN LADEN IS ALIVE AND NOW A MEMBER OF THE HACKERS !!!!!

Kenny Lang one of the Wall Gang
THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Johnny,Davie and Paul

PHOTOS TO FOLLOW OF 2 MORE DIDDY'S

"McFlurry" and "Ma Card"